Today we are wrapping up our series, following your husband’s lead! You can find the links to the series at the end of today’s post.
Not every marriage is going to be heavenly all the time. We are all going to encounter bumps in the road and trials that threaten to tear us apart. Sometimes our ever after isn’t turning out to be the happily ever after that we dreamed off.
I’ve received a lot of response from this series, so I want to address some of the comments I’ve gotten so I can encourage others who may be in the same situation.
When you are submitting out of fear.
Most command men lead their homes in a more controlling manner.
He typically comes across as harsh, unloving and heavy handed because he wants things done in a certain way, exactly when he asks.
It takes a special woman to be the wife of this type of man! You have to be careful not to take his control as slight against you personally. Most times he doesn’t believe he is coming across unloving or harsh. He believes he is loving you and the family by the way he is leading. God created him to have this personality.
These men don’t like to be second guessed; therefore, you have to learn how to make an appeal when you want to have a say in a decision.
One problem that can occur though, even with saved husbands, is that the husband is making the wife submit out of fear.
Submitting out fear is not a healthy marriage.
God didn’t put man above the woman because he thought man was somehow better. He did it this way for accountability. Yet some men, typically the command man types, take their power and rule with an iron fist.
Be careful. There are ways to improve your marriage although it won’t (usually) be quick or easy. However if you are in a physically abusive situation or where the threats are serious and could endanger you or your children, you need to leave and even contact law enforcement if necessary. This doesn’t automatically mean divorce (and you should strive to prevent that), but you can’t make progress under those circumstances.
I recommend that the wife take this issue to Lord before she takes it to her husband. Pray for the Lord to soften both your hearts. This is probably the most effective way to change your spouse over time. “Dear lord, change my husband, amen.” Once a week isn’t the idea. Pray fervently, and often and let the Lord know you won’t stop until you see him work. Luke 11:8 talks about this kind of praying, which I believe is related to praying for people to change (get saved, change of attitude, etc…)
I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth. Luke 11:8
Then talk to your husband; respectfully tell him what is on your heart. How you’re feeling insignificant in the decision making.
When you go to him, have a plan in place because I’m sure he will ask what he can do to help you feel significant.
Build him up as you also tell him how he’s making you feel and what you’d like to see change.
If you sandwich the bad with lots of good, he will be softer towards your requests.
What do you do when your man isn’t leading at all?
Sometimes if a husband isn’t a strong leader he wont lead at all. Leaving all the decision making to the wife. This can easily wear out the wife who is juggling so many other balls on a daily basis.
Many of these man simply lack the confidence needed to lead the family. It is a large burden to carry!
Perhaps you usually take the lead but you want your man to lead but you’ve taken control over the years. Then I would suggest taking a step back. Try to defer to his decision, saying something like, “Honey, I don’t know what to do with this situation, can you help me?” this will subtly let him know that you desire his leadership.
Encouraging your husband by building him up any chance he takes the lead. Tell him how great you think he handled a situation. Tell him that you love when he makes decisions for the family and how it makes things easier for you.
Giving him the confidence boost that he needs starts in the small areas.
Pray for God to give him the desire to lead!
You can’t change your husband. This is crucial to remember. You can only change yourself. You can’t focus on the negative things that your man does, this will not motivate him. Focus on the positive and focus on changing yourself.
Leave the rest in God’s hands and God’s timing. He will reward your faithfulness!
Miss a post in the series? Catch up here:
Your turn! Have you had to overcome some obstacles to your husband not leading the family?
This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.