Following Your Husband's Lead/ Helpmeet

When to Not Follow Your Husband’s Lead

Welcome back to our following your husband’s lead series! If you’ve missed any of the posts you can check out part onetwo and three. (Links are also at the bottom of today’s post if you want to keep on reading!)

is there ever a time when a wife should NOT follow her husband's lead? Or are wives commanded to follow no matter what? Check out our thoughts on the controversial subject!

Is there ever a time when a wife shouldn’t follow her husband’s lead? Seems like an odd question to ask. If you study out the wives of the Bible, I’m sure you’ll find that they all obeyed their husband. Sarah even called Abraham, lord! Sapphira followed her husband into a web of lies that ultimately ended their lives. Two extremes for sure.

Some husband’s, saved and unsaved, will demand that their wives do ungodly things just to prove their authority in the home.

I do believe that there are instances when a wife should not follow her husband’s lead.

Which probably makes that a controversial statement but follow me.

The Bible clearly tells us that wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22  

Therefore, one would take that to understand that if your husband is requesting you to disobey the Lord’s commands than you are not to obey him in that area.

Why? Because we ultimately will stand before God and give an account to Him for our own actions. Our husband wont be standing beside us on judgment day speaking on our behalf.


For wives with unsaved husband’s, this subject may come up much more than a wife with a godly husband.

An unsaved man may tell his wife that he doesn’t want her going to church. What’s a wife to do in that situation? Well, the Bible clearly tells us that we aren’t to skip church.

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. Hebrews 10:25  

God is telling us that church attendance is a must. But the husband is telling the wife not to go. The wife needs to respectfully tell her husband why she is still going to attend church while still finding other areas to show her husband submission and respect.

Unsaved husbands may want their wives to go out drinking or wear immodest clothing. Clearly outside of God’s commands. These request put the wife in a tough spot but she can stand up for what is right while still honoring her husband, God and herself.

We must obey God above man. Pleasing God is more important than pleasing man.

Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. Acts‬ ‭5‬:‭29‬

Wives of unsaved men can win their husband’s to the Lord by the way they live. So it is so important to watch how you approach and act towards your man.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 1 Peter 3:1  


What about the saved husband who makes ungodly requests of his wife? What then? Wives need to be very wise and discerning in how to handle each situation.

If the husband is asking the wife to disobey God’s laws or government laws than she has the power to tell her husband she can not follow him in that area. Again. she needs to obey God first.

Thankfully, most times a godly husband isn’t going to make us choose between him and God. If a saved husband is making unreasonable request for his wife and family that doesn’t break God’s or the government’s  laws, then the wife must obey. We are commanded to submit.

The term ‘unreasonable’ can mean different things for different wives since we are all wired differently. Whether it be on dress standards, entertainment, schooling, whatever; if the wife feels it’s unreasonable it is still her job to submit because her husband is the head of the home.

If this is hard for you, take a look at our first post on following your husbands lead for some tips on helping you submit cheerfully.

It all comes down to our attitude. If we are rebellious wives, we will try to find any way we can to label every request as “unreasonable”.

Let’s check our attitudes! Let’s be wives who aren’t looking for a way out of submitting. If you’re married to an unsaved man, pray earnestly to have wisdom in this area.


Miss a post in the series? Catch up here:

Following Your Husband’s Lead

Following Your Husband’s Lead at Home

Following Your Husband’s Lead in the Ministry


Your turn! Do you believe that woman can biblically not follow their husband’s lead? Have you heard of this concept before?


This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.

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  • Reply
    September 2, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    I love the ideas you put forth in this post!!! I really want my readers to know about this too! I want to share this in my weekly series called “Roll Out The Red Carpet Thursday” – I share bloggers’ amazing posts that I’ve found during the week. I hope that’ ok! Have a great night!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      September 3, 2015 at 1:41 am

      Thanks so much, Danielle! I would love for you to share! Thanks for stopping by-it blessed me today!

  • Reply
    September 3, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    I’ve enjoyed this series and continue to read. Thanks for sharing. It’s definitely tough at times, but much of what you share, I agree. Just give it up to Him!

  • Reply
    Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
    September 9, 2015 at 4:41 am

    Hi, I’m here from Pat&Candy’s Coffee and Conversation.

    Well-said! You made a good Scriptural case, and I’m impressed.

  • Reply
    Coffee and Conversation Link Party #58 -
    September 9, 2015 at 2:18 pm

    […] When to NOT Follow Your Husband’s Lead […]

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