Happily Married Book Club/ Helpmeet

What Holds Your Marriage Together? {Happily Married -Lesson 1}

If someone asked you waht they key to a happy marriage was, what would you say? Commitment? Communication? Intimacy? Find out what holds marriages together.


For the next 3 months or so we are going to be going through the Happily Married book study. I am convinced your marriage will not be the same after you read this book. It is comprehensive, convicting and inspiring. This is a great resource for wives to not only do alone but also with their husbands. I found that many chapters my husband could read and glean wisdom from as well. I highly recommend that you order your copy!

Each page has wide margins for taking notes. And let me tell you, you’ll want to write notes and mark up this book!! Debi Pryde has so much wisdom to share.

The book is broken down into 12 lessons. Each one will challenge and equip you in your marriage. Each lesson starts out with a research question, a Bible verse to look up and write down what it means. Then there are 3-5 thought questions to prepare you for the material ahead. Make sure you take the time to answer these questions!

happily married



The Glue That Holds It All Together

I love that this study starts out with the foundation of all marriages, the glue that holds our marriage together: the Bible.

No other book, preacher, counselor, or course can hold a marriage together. Love itself can not even hold a marriage together.

Sadly, Disney has warped our minds from the time we are little girls while prime time television carries on the lie that true love is all that you need in order to be happily married. If we have love then everything else will be a piece of cake.

A national survey was conducted and the number one polled result for happily married couples was good communication. While communication is a big deal, it is not the glue that holds marriages together.

The Bible

No book has the power to supernaturally change our lives or our marriages like God’s Word. pg. 7

We all have a choice, are we going to apply the wisdom given to us in God’s Word or are we going to try to make it on our own while ultimately living in misery?

Without God’s wisdom at the center of our lives, we are going to miss out on the happiness that we are all in pursuit of.

God wants His children to be happy but we have to choose to live out biblical principles in our lives each and every day in order to have happiness.

When each person in the marriage is working on their own walk with the Lord than we are able to draw closer to each other. I’m sure many of you have heard that analogy. But there is so much truth in it!

We need to be focused on getting closer to God individually and our marriages will reap the benefits of our actions. When we are not in the Word and seeking God than we are not in a position to have the Bible be at the center of our marriage or to learn how to love sacrificially.

If someone asked you waht they key to a happy marriage was, what would you say? Commitment? Communication? Intimacy? Find out what holds marriages together.

 

Love is Giving

When we are focused on ourselves, our needs and our wants we are slowly destroying our marriage.

Our pride wants to make sure that we are taken care of first. We will always feel empty when we are focused on ourselves. We will find joy when giving ourselves to serving others, including our spouse.

When we feel hurt or angry with how we are being treated in our marriage we pull away. We want to protect ourselves from being hurt. We want our spouse to treat us that right way before we will show them love and respect again.

This approach is the exact opposite of what the Bible teaches us. Take a close look at 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8:

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 

Love is patient, kind and is not proud, seeketh not her own. Do these sound like your marriage? Does this sound like your behavior in your marriage?

Happy marriages are kept strong by a love that gives. That kind of love deliberately chooses to love your spouse the Bible way, even when they don’t deserve it.

It means putting your own needs, wants and desires on the back burner and choose to sacrificially love and serve your spouse, despite their behavior.

We can only change our own behavior. We can’t force our spouse to change or act differently. It’s time to stop focusing on what your spouse is or isn’t doing and focus on how you can better love and serve them.

We need to stop recording everything our spouse does wrong and instead record more ways that we can be a blessing to them.

Self-sacrifice is the strength and foundation of true love and the glue in any good marriage relationship. pg. 9

Real happiness, the kind that so many of us are after, comes only when we learn how to give. Not when we are trying to please ourselves.

Commitment to Love

Have you ever noticed that marriages just don’t fall apart in one day? It happens after days of making choices that ultimately hurt our marriage.

On the contrary, happy marriages are made up of making everyday choices that show our love to our spouse.

Happy marriages take daily decisions to sacrificially love our spouse.

How do we do this consistently over time? Debi tells us that we must work at discovering what is most important to our spouse and then finding ways to sacrificially meet these particular needs and desires. (pg. 15)

Ask your spouse what is important to them, in order of importance. Then brainstorm ways to make it happen every day. This would be a great exercise to do together. Make it a date night, prepare ahead of time and have your lists ready to go to discuss.

Your marriage will be blessed because of it!

Marriage is supposed to be delightful; it should be and it can be if we are intentional about it!

Your turn! Are you letting the Bible be the glue that holds your marriage together? What’s holding  you back?

This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.

 

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18 Comments

  • Reply
    Miranda
    January 22, 2016 at 9:23 am

    Great study to be starting these day where divorce is everywhere. If you want your marriage to work you have to mold to become one and that’s requires both of y’all to do some molding. I’ll be praying for all the women joining the study.

    Your friend from faith filled Friday’s at missional women among other places.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      January 22, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      I agree, Miranda. Marriage takes work but it so rewarding. Thanks for the prayers-so glad you stopped by!

  • Reply
    Michele Morin
    January 22, 2016 at 10:00 am

    Thanks for a good look at this resource! We need to be drawn away from our inward focus and press toward love that dies to self!

  • Reply
    Christine Malkemes
    January 22, 2016 at 11:46 am

    You’re spot on. I’ve been married 40 years. When we first got married we had our share of fights. How did I handle the fights? I removed myself from it, entered the bedroom, closed the door and told the Lord, “Sir, he’s at it again. If I’m wrong please tell me and if he’s wrong then tell him.” I would leave that room confident ,and in the end, it always worked out….always. I’ve taken His correction more than I can tell but He’s always right. Keep up the good work, sister.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      January 22, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      I love that. I need to pray more when we are at it. Sadly, it usually is the last thing on my mind. I remind myself it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Thanks for joining in the conversation, Christine and making me think!

  • Reply
    Su Ann
    January 23, 2016 at 5:13 am

    Where did you buy this book? I can’t find it online. thanks

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      January 23, 2016 at 11:05 am

      She stopped selling on Amazon but you can find it here: http://shopironwood.org/proddetail.php?prod=9781931787062 – this is where I bought mine from and everything went smoothly. I hope that helps!

    • Reply
      Kristan
      September 12, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      I would love to know the exact title and SKU so I can find this. I searched through your link Ana and couldn’t find it. Newlywed and want to get this lesson started thank you

      • Reply
        Anastasia Safee
        September 15, 2016 at 3:14 pm

        Kristan, the title is called Happily Married. I made it a link that will take you right to the place to order it from. Sadly, it’s not on Amazon. It used to be but no longer is. I ordered from this site when I ordered mine and had no issues. I have 12 lessons on the site that correspond with each lesson in the book. It is a great book! I want to read it again now 🙂

  • Reply
    Beth
    January 25, 2016 at 1:24 pm

    Sounds like a great read, Ana. I really like the idea of having a wide margin to write my own notes in. I’ll have to check this book out! Thanks for sharing about it!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      January 25, 2016 at 3:28 pm

      My book is so marked up! I feel like I could read it again just to absorb all the wisdom in it!

  • Reply
    Pam
    January 25, 2016 at 9:18 pm

    Thanks for the great review of this material. Coming from 51 years of marriage and 25 years as a Marriage and Family Therapist I can and will just say, “Amen”!

  • Reply
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
    January 26, 2016 at 12:56 pm

    This is wonderful and so insightful.

    Yes, God at the center… through scripture, prayer, and connection keeps a marriage not just surviving but thriving. I pray continually for my husband – that one day he will have a personal relationship with the Lord.

    Thank you so much for sharing.
    xoxo

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      January 26, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      “not just surviving but thriving” – love it, so so true! A marriage may survive with communication and commitment but will it thrive. Nope. We need Jesus!

  • Reply
    Debbie Kitterman
    January 28, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    thank you for your in-depth and thoughtful thoughts on this study you are going through on love and marriage. thank you for sharing today at #ImpartingGrace

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