Encouragement/ Helpmeet

Top 10 Habits That Will Destroy Your Marriage

Check out the top 10 habits that will destroy your marriage.

Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They get married. They live happily ever after.  That’s how the story goes. But how often does that scenario not play out to be true?

I don’t think any of us go into our marriage thinking that we are going to fall into the 40-50% divorce rate category, right? It is not like we are making divorce our goal. But often times we all have on rose colored glasses that make us believe that all we need is true love to be happily married. Thank you, Disney!

But once you’ve been married for any length of time you soon realize that you do need more than Disney’s version of true love to make your marriage last. Being happily married isn’t going to just happen. Happy marriages take husbands and wives being intentional. Our attitudes and behaviors truly matter.

If there are things that we should be doing to be happily married, than certainly this logic applies to things that we shouldn’t be doing.

Bad habits and destructive behaviors can negatively impact our marriage and ultimately will destroy our marriage.

10 Habits That Will Destroy Your Marriage

1. Selfishness

Our pride can take a toll on our marriage. When we are constantly focusing on our own needs and wants than we are slowly sucking the joy out of our marriage. This way of thinking makes you think that you should be served and loved more than your spouse. If your spouse doesn’t fulfill your expectations or love you the way that you want them to then you immediately have a wounded spirit and start to push your spouse away. This is a very dangerous path to take.

Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. Proverbs 13:10 

2. Critical Spirit

When we are constantly criticizing our spouse we are tearing down the walls of our marriage. No one likes to be around someone who is picking them apart. When our spouse feels like they can never measure up to our standard we creating an environment that is hostile and will ultimately be destroyed. There is a trick to saving your marriage from this habit!

3. Unforgiveness

Ruth Bell Graham said it best, a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. How true is that? What other earthly relationship do we have that requires us to exercise forgiveness the most? None. Marriage let’s you see another person’s faults and quirks up close and personal for the rest of your life. There are going to be countless times that require you to forgive your spouse. If we cannot forgive easily we are choosing a behavior that will destroy our marriage.

“The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest.”

Check out the top 10 habits that will destroy your marriage.

 

4. Bitterness

Coming right off of forgiveness is bitterness. When we refuse to forgive those that hurt us it begins to take root in our hearts. If you are in a struggling marriage it can be too  easy to let your hurts become bitterness. But the funny thing about bitterness is that it isn’t hurting your spouse it’s hurting yourself. You are poisoning yourself.

Our spouses are going to hurt us, let us down and disappoint us. There is no way around that. But we don’t need to let bitterness destroy our marriage.

5. Disrespect

Both wives and husbands need to be respected in a happy marriage. But the one thing that men want in marriage is to be respected. They desire that above everything. Yes, that means above sex and affection. If it is the one thing that will make marriage better for them than when wives disrespect their husband we are destroying our marriage. The longer we disrespect them the more long term damage we are doing to our marriage. Ladies, we need to be respecting our husbands. It is so important to a happy marriage. Be good to your man!

6. Lack of Affection

Married people are supposed to be showing affection to each other. That’s a no-brainer, right?

Affection is among the top things that a wife wants from a marriage. We want to feel loved, cherished and desired. Simple acts like hand holding, kissing, arms around the shoulder, and hugs make a woman feel loved. When men stop doing the these they are slowly destroying their marriage.

Affection can be a wide variety of things but it definitely includes sex. Being intimate with our spouse must be a priority in our marriage. When you neglect this area you are allowing temptations into your marriage that shouldn’t be there. Without intimacy you are losing your closeness with your spouse. The Bible is very clear on not neglecting this! Sheila, at To Love Honor and Vacuum has so many resources, I recommend checking her out if you need help in this area!

It is so important to be filling our spouses love tank. You never want to get to a point where your spouse starts looking else where for the affection. Let’s be intentional at making our marriage thrive!

7. Anger

This emotion is often the cause of much harm, both physical and emotional. Anger is mentioned hundreds of times throughout the Bible (wrath, anger, angry, etc…). Here’s an interesting study idea. Look up what happens when a man is angry in the Bible, and then look up what happens when God is angry in the Bible. Man’s anger always leads to destruction and in scripture, murder was often the result (Cain, Haman, Esau, Saul, Herod, etc…). God’s anger always led to justice.

This is why James 1:20 says, “The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God”. I cannot think of even one instance in my marriage where anger has led to a positive outcome.

Moses broke the stone tablets in his anger and had to rebuild them. What will you have to rebuild because of your anger?

The purpose of anger is to correct an injustice. But why don’t you leave that to God next time it crops up in your marriage?

 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Romans 12:19

Check out the top 10 habits that will destroy your marriage.

8. Discontentment

Take a look at this list of sins:

 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: Colossians 3:5

Right there among fornication and idolatry is the sin of covetousness. Wanting something that we can’t or shouldn’t have is a pretty big deal to God. It can also have a terrible impact on marriages. All the way back in Exodus 20, God was pretty clear in the 10 commandments to Israel, that we shouldn’t covet our neighbor’s wife or anything that is thy neighbors.

Covetousness starts with a small seed of discontentment. Spouses get their eyes set on earthly goods and end up buying things they shouldn’t or being financially irresponsible. Money problems wreak havoc on marriages every year and discontentment is often the source. Maybe you are unhappy with your mate’s appearance, work ethic, or habits. Discontent leads to covetousness, which leads to serious problems down the road. Stay away from this habit.

9. Taking Your Spouse For Granted

We can get too comfy in our lives and take those around us for granted. But what if you woke up tomorrow and your spouse didn’t. What if your husband didn’t come home from work? Life is unpredictable. No man knows how many days he has left. So let’s make every day count. Yes, you are married and you live with your spouse and see them more than most people but you aren’t promised another day with them. If we changed our thinking to this way of thinking how different would our lives look?

Don’t take your spouse for granted.

10. Busyness

Life gets crazy sometimes and busy seasons can come and go. But when we let the busyness of life continually pull us away from our spouse we are in danger of destroying our marriage. We need to be purposefully setting aside time to be with our spouse. We need to be connecting and sharing our lives with each other for a healthy marriage. Even amidst the craziness of life we need to set time aside to connect.

If your budget doesn’t allow many date nights then be creative with at home dates. Stay up late or wake up early to spend time with each other. Read a book together or play a board game. We can never invest too much time into our marriage. It is time well spent and we will reap the benefits of it for years to come.

Conclusion

Remember, habit is a wonderful servant but a horrible master. If you can develop good habits in your marriage it will serve you well for many years to come. If you allow bad habits to creep in, you can look forward to years of struggle instead. Nip those bad habits in the bud!

Your turn! What habits do you need to get out of your marriage?

This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.

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33 Comments

  • Reply
    Emily
    December 9, 2015 at 9:06 am

    This is a great list. Sooo true.

    It is so easy to fall into these traps. We must always be aware and on our guard! Thank you for sharing.

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 9, 2015 at 9:22 am

      I agree, no one is above struggling in their marriage. We all need to be intentionally cultivating a happy marriage by staying away from these habits!

  • Reply
    Sarah
    December 9, 2015 at 5:36 pm

    Our words are so powerful, whether we choose to speak life or death. We have to consciously choose to speak life into our marriages! Thanks for sharing — this is a great list. 🙂

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 10, 2015 at 10:23 pm

      So true. We have a choice. Every day we need to choose life. Happy marriages aren’t just going to happen-we need to make them happen!

  • Reply
    Ugochi
    December 9, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    Seemingly little things we kind of take for light, but all terrible things we must kill in our lives and marriage.
    Thanks for sharing Anastasia, visiting from WW.
    Have a super blessed day!
    Love

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 10, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      So true, it is so easy to overlook so many of these habits yet they are slowly destroying our marriage. So glad you stopped by!

  • Reply
    Kelly
    December 10, 2015 at 2:12 am

    What a great list! You are so right on! Good read! Thanks for sharing!

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 10, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      Thanks Kelly! So glad you stopped by with an encouraging comment!

  • Reply
    Maria
    December 10, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    These are so on point, Ana! I love that you emphasize that we shouldn’t take our spouses for granted. It’s easy to get comfortable and fall into the pitfalls of just “not trying” anymore, but you’re right: no one knows how many days we have left on this earth. So, it’s wise to make it count for ourselves, our family, and especially to our spouses.
    Thanks so much for sharing this great reminder on #SHINEbloghop. It’s so great for you to join us this week! Hope you have a great rest of your day!

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 10, 2015 at 10:26 pm

      I agree, it is so easy. I would hate if the last thing my husband and I said to each other were unkind words. It is amazing what a shift in your thinking will do for your marriage. We should treasure them!

  • Reply
    Ifeoma Samuel
    December 11, 2015 at 5:30 am

    You nailed it, Ana!
    I was eager to read this…you shared so many points that I don’t know what more to say.
    Hugs dear friend.
    Many blessings to you

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 11, 2015 at 10:55 pm

      Thanks so much, Ifeoma! You always brighten my day. Thanks so much for you sweet comments!

  • Reply
    Valerie
    December 12, 2015 at 11:26 am

    Anastasia, I have read a lot of marriage books and posts….and I think this is the best list and advice I’ve read! This is spot on and oh so true!

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 13, 2015 at 4:01 pm

      Thanks so much Valerie!! You are so kind! I hope this post helps a lot of married couples!

  • Reply
    Alison [Life of Scoop]
    December 13, 2015 at 12:20 am

    Wow, what an amazing list! I’m fairly newly married (a little under a year), so all marriage advice is appreciated. This list is well-thought-out and incredibly wise. I love finding great articles with sweet wisdom ingrained!
    Thanks for sharing this with us at the 100 Happy Days linkup. We love having you there. 🙂

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 13, 2015 at 4:01 pm

      Marriage is awesome but it takes work on our parts to make it a happy one! Thanks for visiting, I’m so glad ya’ll started a linkup!

  • Reply
    Beth
    December 14, 2015 at 10:40 am

    Inspiring post, Ana! Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply
    Sarah @ Pretty Simple Ideas
    December 15, 2015 at 10:26 am

    As a newlywed, I will definitely be on the guard against these!

  • Reply
    Karen Del Tatto
    December 15, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    This was such a great post! And such good reminders.

    The piece of advice I always give people about marriage and need to remind myself often is to “not grow weary of doing good”. I don’t know why but it always seems to happen. We set out to practice ways to love our husbands and then we grow tired of doing it.

    I had never saw this quote before, “The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest.” Those three sentences are full of much wisdom.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 15, 2015 at 10:28 pm

      Times do get tough but we can’t grow weary, I agree!

  • Reply
    Pat
    December 15, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    Ana, Loved your list…even though it may have hit a tad too close to home at some point or another…
    But anyway, we’ll be featuring at Coffee and Conversation tomorrow!
    Thank you so much for sharing it with us!!

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      December 15, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      I can relate to those feelings 😉 We all have areas that we need to grow in, don’t we?! Thanks so much for the feature!

  • Reply
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  • Reply
    Brittany Putman
    December 16, 2015 at 10:49 am

    It is so easy to let these things creep into our lives. I think the one that I have to be the most careful with is being critical. It is so much easier to be critical than forgiving.

  • Reply
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  • Reply
    Pam
    March 25, 2016 at 1:54 pm

    You are right on the money, Anastasia, with this list. Good job! I was a Christian Clinical Counselor and Marriage and Family Therapist for nearly 30 years so I can easily support you on this great list. Thanks! Happy to be your neighbor at the Linkup at Sincerely Paula.

  • Reply
    Charisma
    April 7, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    While I agree with most of this, your view on respect seems solely that women need to make sure they respect their husbands. You shouldn’t have made that seem solely one sided. Men need to give that same respect to their wives. I’ve met many wives who respect their husbands, but do not get that same respect. It’s just as important for wives as it is men. I don’t mean to come off rude or anything, but this is coming from a wife who gives respect, but doesn’t get much. Thank you

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      April 10, 2016 at 2:25 pm

      I agree that it is a two way streak but we cannot change the behavior of our spouse. We have to be willing to make that first move. To be loving, kind and respectful without the thought of return. Marriage isn’t 50-50. We have to decide individually to give it our all, our 1000% and pray for our husbands to do the same. We can’t wait for them to give us the love and respect we think we deserve, then our focus is “how can my marriage make ME happy” instead of how can I serve him and make him happy and glorify God in the process. As a wife, I write to wives. I can’t go writing and teaching to men because men aren’t my target audience or my readers. Thanks for sharing your input with us, I’m praying for your marriage!

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