I have a little problem. Sometimes it’s no big deal and sometimes it’s a disaster.
I speak my mind. Instantly. I will usually spit out exactly what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it.
You can just imagine what kind of sticky situations this may land me.
I don’t think I’m alone either.
I know a few other people in my life that have the same Achille’s heel. Maybe you struggle with this as well.
I have been hurt and I’ve caused hurt just from this one little problem. Friendships have died. I have made my kids cry because I say something in the moment that I regret later, once I actually think about the situation.
While we are told in James that the tongue is unruly and cannot be tamed, we can speak wiser words. We can learn to hold our tongue, it is a self-discipline that we can work on creating.
James 3:8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
If we don’t want to hurt or be hurt, then we should be working hard at stopping this deadly behavior before it can do any more harm.
In Ecclesiastes chapter 10, we see that the words of a wise man are gracious.
Ecclesiastes 10:12 The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself.
The secret to speaking with grace is to have wisdom.
Where do we get wisdom? From fearing the Lord and seeking Him.
When we are striving to be more like Christ, we are more mindful of our behavior and attitudes. When we start our day with being in His Word we can fill up on His strength to help us control our tongue that day.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I am in my Bible in the morning and I still speak my mind all too often. Why is that?
I’ve recently figured it out. I don’t think you’re going to like if you struggle like I do.
The number one reason we don’t speak with grace is because of our pride.
We think we need to be heard. We think we have something important to share. We are annoyed or upset over what our spouse or friend did or our children’s behavior. We are offended, therefore, because of our pride, we let our mouths take us places we didn’t intend to go.
We don’t like a new rule, or the behavior or parenting decision of others so in the name of pride, we let those around us just what we think.
I found some verses that help me speak more graciously that I hope will help others who struggle. While I do believe that seeking after God for wisdom, if you have this bad habit it is a deeper sin issue that needs to be addressed.
Let’s start with the kind of woman we want to be-a gracious woman, a woman who give grace freely in her speech and behavior.
Proverbs 11:16a A gracious woman retaineth honour:
This kind of woman is given honor from those around her. Her behavior yields respect from others.
But we also see in Proverbs something that needs to happen before we can receive honor.
Proverbs 18b before honour is humility.
Before we can receive honor, we need to have humility.
Being humble and gracious are connected. We can’t separate the two. When we see people as Jesus sees them, we will then learn to give them grace with both our words and our actions. When we realize that we are no better than anyone else, we will begin to speak with more grace. When we begin to think this way we are growing in wisdom. See how that works?
While it may not be easy, it may be a downright struggle at times, we can change our old ways. I know I want to be known as a gracious woman at the end of my life. How about you?
Your turn! Do you struggle with speaking your mind? How do you reign it in when you want to let the words spill out? Let’s chat in the comments below!
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