Happily Married Book Club/ Helpmeet

The Importance of Unity in Marriage – Plus One Sure Way to Destroy It! {Happily Married – Lesson 5}

How is the unity in your marriage? Do you struggle to be on the same page? Here you will discover the importance of unity in marriage plus one sure way you will destroy it.

Do you think that there are areas in our marriage that are not subjected to being one flesh? Or being unified? Or working together on the same team?

Maybe when you are out in the backyard on Thanksgiving day playing football with the family. Or when you have friends over and you’re playing an intense board game. But other than that I am of the persuasion that a husband and wife should always be on the same team, always united.

When we take a closer look at married couples in the Bible, I believe that we can back up that idea. This week in our Happily Married book club we are taking a closer look at this idea of unity.

One plus one equals one when you are married.

Maybe you don’t believe this idea to be true. Maybe you’re a wife who struggles with submission , so you fight against this idea with every fiber of your being. I hope you keep an open mind while we dissect this idea of unity in marriage because it has the power to change your marriage.

Debi uses the example of Priscilla and Aquilla throughout lesson five. They were a young Jewish couple who served and worshiped together, worked together, their goals were the same. They were always on the same page. Priscilla always willingly followed her husband’s lead.

Greet Priscilla and Aquila my helpers in Christ Jesus: Who have for my life laid down their own necks: unto whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles. Romans 16:3-4

The churches of Asia salute you. Aquila and Priscilla salute you much in the Lord, with the church that is in their house.  1 Corinthians 16:19  

After these things Paul departed from Athens, and came to Corinth; And found a certain Jew named Aquila, born in Pontus, lately come from Italy, with his wife Priscilla; (because that Claudius had commanded all Jews to depart from Rome:) and came unto them. And because he was of the same craft, he abode with them, and wrought: for by their occupation they were tentmakers. Acts 18:1-3  

Throughout the Bible, we never see Priscilla and Aquilla talked about separately. They were always together. Sounds like a strong marriage to me!

I love seeing that this wife helped her husband in his business. I love that she served right along with him, traveled with him and Paul to serve. Her identity was truly in her husband’s success, as it should be once we are married. This challenges me as a wife.

I am reminded of how many times I have fought against something my husband wanted to do. Am I proud of those? No. Did I need to grow as a wife and child of the King? Yes, of course. But I am also reminded how I stepped out in faith during his crazy pursuit of opening up a brand new Sunday franchise while working a full-time job at age 24! I watched and supported him as he drained every account-  mainly our house savings- to start up this business adventure. People looked at me like I was crazy to be completely okay with his endeavor. And then again when we decided to pursue our own independent pharmacy at age 26! Many wives told me that they couldn’t deal with all of those over-the-top ideas. Yet I found it easier if it meant my man was happy. (Not that most days weren’t really hard and I feel a tad insane keeping down the fort at home!) You see, following your husband’s lead and being united is a journey. One area might be easy while we struggle in others. What was once hard to do as a new bride will not be a challenge 25 years later.

We like to look up and inspire to be like the Proverbs 31 woman, the Titus 2 woman, Ruth or Esther but Priscilla often gets left out. How many of us have read books about this lady or heard messages about her? I can’t think of any in my own life. I think she is one wife whom we should be striving to be more like.

This idea of complete unity in marriage is completely against our culture. The woman’s right’s movement is empowering women to rise up and take care of herself, to be bold and confident without the need for a man.

The world’s view today is the all-about-me attitude. Protect yourself, think about yourself, your happiness before thinking about anyone else is what the world has to offer. Even if it means not thinking about your kids and husband. Just do what you want if you want to be happy. This is totally against the will of God for our lives. True followers of the Lord reject the trends of the world and willingly give their lives to the cause of Christ and to the benefit of others. (pg. 58)

True happiness in our marriage requires us to be one with our spouse.

How is the unity in your marriage? Do you struggle to be on the same page? Here you will discover the importance of unity in marriage plus one sure way you will destroy it.

God’s view on happiness is quite simple. The Word of God tells us that forgetting one’s self and focusing instead on the needs of others produces the sense of unity and joy that God grants to likeminded and obedient believers. (pg. 59) When we follow God’s direction in our lives we reap the benefits of a more joy filled life!

The one thing that destroys unity in marriage is secrecy. Any kind of secrecy. Those tiny white lies, not telling the whole story because you don’t want to deal with your spouse’s reaction, or blatant withholding of information are all different kinds of secrets that damage your relationship. They are all equally damaging. When a spouse chooses to keep secrets, he is choosing to damage the bond of unity in the marriage. This behavior not only damages the unity but also the trust in the relationship.

In order to have a happy marriage that brings honor to the Lord, we need to be one with our spouse. We need to be intentionally seeking after unity in every area. It is not going to happen automatically and will need us intentionally cultivating it throughout our marriage.

Does this mean we need to forsake all of our own likes and dislikes, our own hobbies and passions as wives? No, of course not. God created us with these unique talents but we can not and should not allow them to come before being our husband’s helper. But they shouldn’t cause us to become selfish and seeking our own agenda. Like everything in life, we need to find the perfect balance.

Biblical unity and teamwork brings joy and stability into a relationship. pg. 56

I don’t know about you but I was definitely convicted to be more like Priscilla in my marriage. To be more unified with my husband in every area of our lives. Sometimes that is going to mean not holding back when I am not “into” his hobby or idea for our family. But doing it anyways with a cheerful attitude.

Debi tells us that unity is vital to a pleasant marriage (pg. 63).

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! Psalm 133:1  

I challenge you this week to find areas in your marriage that are lacking unity and make an action plan to become more unified in those areas! 


Your turn! How can you be more unified with your husband? Do you think you can grow in this area? I know I sure can! Let’s talk in the comments below!

This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.

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  • Reply
    February 19, 2016 at 10:50 am

    I love this post! I agree that unity in marriage is so important. I love that you mentioned Priscilla and Aquila. They’re actually one of my favorite Biblical couples for the exact reason you mentioned, they’re always ministering to others together. This is one of the couples my husband and I strive to model our marriage after. Thanks for such an inspiring post!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 22, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      That is great Bree, I haven’t heard of many others who look up to and strive to be like this couple!

  • Reply
    Christine Malkemes
    February 19, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    Good post. I agree unity in marriage is key. Another good example is Abraham and Sarah. I have been married now for 40 years. We don’t agree about everything, but we do work things out all the time. My generation had a lot of problems with submission. I was an Army officer and my husband knew I could hold my own, especially as a commander, but he trusted me and I trusted him. That’s also the key in marriage there’s unity if there’s no trust. Blessings, my sister. Blessings Chris

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 22, 2016 at 3:01 pm

      I have many people comment about how their experience in the military – it definitely seems to be a challenge to overcome. You are right, we may not agree about everything but we should always try our best to work things out and/or submit!

  • Reply
    Shannon @ Of The Hearth
    February 22, 2016 at 3:02 pm

    I’ve never looked at Priscilla in this way! Very insightful.
    There is so much pressure in our culture to remain independent, even in marriage. Whether it’s maintaining separate bank accounts or the wife keeping her own career, we don’t hear a lot in support of unity.
    Thanks for addressing this and challenging me to examine my own marriage to see how we are doing in this area.

  • Reply
    Katie M. Reid
    February 23, 2016 at 2:53 pm

    Thank you for the reminder of the importance of unity and for adding it to the #RaRaLinkup too.

  • Reply
    Mary Geisen
    February 24, 2016 at 9:51 am

    Great post! Being united in marriage does look like the husband and wife working together on the same team. I am not familiar with Aquila and Priscilla but will be looking them up later. I appreciate you stepping out and sharing with others what marriage should look like.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 25, 2016 at 9:47 pm

      They are definitely a couple worth an in-depth study. Thanks for jumping into the conversation, Mary!

  • Reply
    heather m.
    February 24, 2016 at 9:54 am

    It is no coincidence that I linked up beside you today at Holley’s… I am struggling with everything you mentioned in this post –submission, secrets, and especially unity– my husband wants to move us to a new city for better job opportunities for our son’s music career (and us) but I don’t want to move. We just finished having a talk where I shared my “feelings” that I had been holding inside for way too long and have in a way now alienated him. I should probably go search out your other posts in this series as well as the book! Thank you for some well needed encouragement. Would you say a prayer that my heart would be changed and my marriage would be able to survive the setbacks? ♥ Thanks Ana.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 25, 2016 at 9:49 pm

      It sounds like you are in a tough spot, Heather. I will definitely be praying for you. I have a series called Following Your Husband’s Lead, I would check that out if you haven’t seen it already. there are some great pointers in that series to help out wives in hard spots and explaining more on why submission and following them is so important. I do hope you can come to an agreement and find peace in what the Lord wants for your family.

  • Reply
    February 24, 2016 at 10:26 am

    Yes, yes, yes! This is so huge. I sometimes struggle with submission, but being united in our ideas and in our marriage is oh so important. Thanks for sharing!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 25, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      It is a struggle, there is no denying that one!

  • Reply
    Jennifer @ A Divine Encounter
    February 25, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    Ana, you’ve touched on an important and often-overlooked example of biblical marriage. Thanks so much for sharing it with us at Grace & Truth! This will be my feature at A Divine Encounter tomorrow. 🙂 I’d love for you to stop by and grab an “I’ve been featured” button, if you like.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 26, 2016 at 9:15 am

      Thank you so much for the feature, Jennifer! That sure is a blessing this morning!

  • Reply
    February 26, 2016 at 8:37 am

    Great post, Ana! And congratulations on being featured on Grace! I really appreciate your message here. I’m all over any post that builds unity in marriage and has a sound Biblical message for Christian wives, not the nonsense that the world puts forth. I didn’t know how to be that Godly wife when I first married. Thankfully, after quite a bit of mess, the Lord began to show me what it means to be a godly help meet. Praise the Lord! Knowing is half the battle!

    I’d love for you to stop by my neck of cyberspace and visit with me when you have moment and read the post (below) on a similar topic. Be blessed my dear sister! And thanks for the awesome and godly encouragement. I’ll be looking at Priscilla in a new light. :o)

    Tiffiney :o)

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