Happily Married Book Club/ Helpmeet

The Art of Submission {Happily Married – Lesson 3}

Submission is a process, just like art. A masterpiece takes many hours and maybe even years to complete. Submission is like art. There is beauty in it. Check out how you can work on the art of submission in your marriage!

Today we are in week three of our Happily Married book club!

Chapter three is all about the man’s leadership in the home and how our role as the wife plays into his leadership.

Submission. That word that wives can’t seem to get away from. As much as we try to run from it; it’s still there knocking on the door to be let inside.

Following our husband’s lead is one of the most important aspects of being a wife. Because of its importance we should be striving to become better at the job. That’s is why I love to get my hands on any marriage book that I can. Just like art, our expertise is never quite finished. It is always evolving. Always needing to be tweaked. Many layers and techniques that need to be learned and perfected.

The key to letting your husband lead and reaping the blessings of his leadership is to submit your will to his.

Husbands are commanded to love their wives like Christ loves the church and gave himself for it. A good husband leading his family will want to lay down his own life for those he is leading.

But he can’t lead those who are not willing to follow him. The art of submission is a heart issue. We have to willingly follow. We have to willingly give up our rights, dreams and wants for his. It is a matter of the heart. We need to perfect the art of changing our heart.

Art is constantly needing to be practiced. Likewise, submission and a man’s leadership also need to be practiced and learned on a consistent basis. There is beauty in this art.

As men develop Christian leadership skills and learn how to govern and guide their homes with understanding and wisdom, women tend to respond with a greater sense of contentment and security. pg. 33

Isn’t that beautiful?

God has called men to lead. Therefore, He isn’t going let them flounder in it. Men aren’t going to be stuck in the scribbling stage so to speak. God is going to equip them to protect, provide for, and lead women. There may be reason’s why your man isn’t leading or situations where you shouldn’t be following him but, for the most part, we can rest assured knowing that he will do a beautiful job leading.

As the wife, we can make their art of leading more beautiful by perfecting our own art of submission. Their ability to lead well is greatly dependent upon on us.

The Art of Submission

Submission is a process, just like art. A masterpiece takes many hours and maybe even years to complete. Submission is like art. There is beauty in it. Check out how you can work on the art of submission in your marriage!


What does grace have to do with submission?

Graciously complying with requests your husband makes that you do not like actually provides the very best opportunities to demonstrate love and cultivate your husband’s desire to lead well. pg. 38-39

Grace is the key to submitting well. Even when we do not agree with our husband’s decisions we need to still give him the grace that he deserves. Learn to be gracious with your words, your reactions, and your body language.


The attitude of submission towards others is a characteristic of humility and obedience to God.

Our pride is going to rear its ugly head and cause us to want our own way.

Without clothing ourselves in humility every single morning, we aren’t going to be able to let our man lead. We will buck up against his authority and decisions day after day after day.

Submit to the Lord First

We can’t follow a man that God has placed over us if we aren’t first submitted to the Lord.

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7  

If we are resisting the Lord’s will in our lives than we are going to resist our husbands (or any other man in leadership!) leadership.

God is going to reward women for their submission to an imperfect man. You will be blessed with a happy marriage when you are doing things God’s way. Isn’t that what we are in pursuit of?

Learn about God’s Great Love

Do you struggle with anxiety over whether or not your husband is making the right choices? Do you struggle with trusting his ability to lead? Is it hard for you to let go of the control?

How do you get over that anxiety?

The answer is to learn more about God’s great love towards you. This is the way to overcome this fear of submitting to God and our husband. But don’t just stop there, take it to the next step and intentionally find ways that you can actively show love. As we love God and our husband, our fears begin to disappear; and God’s commandments become our greatest jo and delight. (pg. 39)


We will end up reaping such blessing in every area of our life when we are submitting to God and our man.  (pg. 39) There is peace in our lives, our marriage and our home when we are practicing the art of submission day in and day out. If we let any of these areas slide we will find ourselves unwilling to submit. This is so critically important in our marriage that we need to keep working at it, keep creating our masterpiece of a beautiful marriage.


Your turn! What area of submission do you struggle with the most? I’d have to say for me it’s the grace and humility. I need to work on dying to self if I’m going to willingly submit. What about you? Let me know in the comments below!

This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.

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  • Reply
    February 5, 2016 at 9:46 am

    Great post on a touchy subject. I totally agree. Submission is key. I was explaining to my kids about it the other day trying to get them to understand that we submit because we trust the “master” of the relationship to never do or say or ask us to do anything less than what’s best for us. Blessings to you!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 5, 2016 at 9:42 pm

      It definitely is touchy subject, isn’t it? 🙂

  • Reply
    Hazel Moon
    February 5, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    I found you at Essentially devotions blog party. Your post goes along with the Bible Study we did last week at our church. Awesome post. http://hazel-moon-blog.blogspot.com/2016/02/do-wives-always-submit.html.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 5, 2016 at 9:44 pm

      I love when posts and Bible studies line up like that! Looking forward to checking out your post!

  • Reply
    Maria Baer (Fit Magnolia)
    February 8, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    This is really interesting to me. I’ve only been married for 7 months. My husband and I are both military officers and I am used to leading and I outrank him. Even my family thought I would have a hard time letting him be the leader of our home. But I do not. That is something we were very intentional about discussing before getting married. He is the leader of the house and I submit to my husband. Is it easy? Not always but in those times I have to remind myself of the Word… and doing the yoga breathing. 🙂

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 8, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      Yoga breathing, so funny and so true. Sometimes it is hard but makes our marriages beautiful. I’m so glad to hear that you have purposed to be submissive despite the challenges you face from your career. Great job!

  • Reply
    February 9, 2016 at 1:08 am

    A wife is to willingly give up her rights, dreams and wants for his? Why? It’s not wrong to have hopes and dreams and just what rights are a wife supposed to give up? Why is a husband’s rights, dreams and wants more important than his wife’s? I respect my husband and yield to his leadership, as I should, but he would never expect me to give up my dreams or rights. I don’t think that the Bible teaches this. My husband is the leader of our family, but he and I are partners in life. He not only doesn’t want me to give up these things, he insists I don’t.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 9, 2016 at 10:38 am

      I agree and in a few chapters ahead we will talk specifically about a wife’s dreams and passions not being wrong or sinful. God created us with these desires for a reason! The key here is to not make your dreams and passions your greatest pursuit. When we are only seeking after our own career and hobbies and not being the helpmeet that we were created to be then this is where the problem arises. If your husband tells you he doesn’t think a hobby or passion is the greatest thing for you or the family, are you going to be willing to submit to his request or are you going to rise up against him claiming your rights? What if your hobby conflicts with your husbands? What will you do? I encourage you to stick with us longer in the study to see more thoughts on the matter. I agree with you completely. Many husbands encourage their wives to have hobbies outside of the home and cultivate healthy friendships-women need that!

  • Reply
    February 11, 2016 at 3:02 pm

    Thanks for sharing on this tricky subject of submission. Perhaps a foundational question is whether or not we can and do submit to Christ. That actually should be the easiest because He loves us perfectly. I heard a pastor once say that wives are challenged to submit because we don’t come by it naturally, but husbands are commanded to love because they do not naturally come by that and often they seek to lead without remembering He means for them to lead out of love as Christ does. In nearly 30 years as a Christian Marriage and Family Therapist, I discovered that husbands who love well, lead well, and when that happens, wives submit happily rather than out of duty.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 15, 2016 at 10:29 am

      “Husbands who love well, lead well, and when that happens, wives submit happily rather than out of duty.” Yes-I so agree with that!!

  • Reply
    February 15, 2016 at 1:22 am

    I think your post is very general and does not address the consequences when the husband is not submitted to God although he is a Christian and if the husband is abusive. God does not expect us to follow our husband’s s lead blindly knowing that some of his decisions are clearly wrong for the family. This may work where the husband is mature and is living under God’s will.

    Both husband and wife should submit to each other. No one is the stronger one. Each one is a servant and seeks to serve the other and puts the needs of his or her spouse above his own. Surely the wife is not required to give up all her desires and dreams so that the husband can do what he wants all the time. Where does the Bible say that? I know people (both the husband and wife) who try to control the other through this submission doctrine.

    My husband tries to control what I buy for personal use and how much I spend even though I am the only breadwinner in my home. I have to visit his siblings whenever he decides to even though I don’t like them. He spend his time surfing through porn sites.

    I agree with what Pam has posted that if the husband loves his wife and leads well, wives find it easier to submit.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 15, 2016 at 10:42 am

      Ruth, I like to leave space for my commenters to add their thoughts and discussions to take place. If I cover every topic extensively then there is no reason for my readers to chime in in the comments. I have also written a whole series on following your husband’s lead where I discuss a lot of the statements that you made. We are also doing a book club which means that there are more thoughts to come on the subject as we make our way through the book. In the next few chapters, we will discuss that a wife should definitely pursue her hobbies and dreams because God created her special with those talents yet we shouldn’t pursue them if they interfere with our ability to be a godly helpmeet to our husbands. That should be our highest priority because that is why we were created.

      You can only focus on yourself, your attitude and your behavior, you can not change your husband. I hope that you will bring your trials to the Lord to change your husband. When there is pornography, infidelity or abuse the Bible is clear that a wife does not need to stay in that marriage. That would not be wise. I suggest seeking counsel from your pastor or a Christian counselor in your area.

      I also agree with Pam!

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