Encouragement/ Helpmeet

How to Thrive being Married to a Command Man

Today I am thrilled to introduce you to my wonderful in real life friend, Stefanie! She has been the faithful and blessed wife of Rob, a command man through and through. She has been a godly example to me over the years and when I put this series on the docket I knew she was the best person to share on being the wife of this type of man. She has definitely thrived being married to a command man! Here is her story.

Every husband is different. Do you understand your man? Or are you too busy pining away for something that he's not or wishing he was more like your best friend's husband? Ladies, it's time to stop this way of thinking and start learning how to thrive as the wife to the man we married. Find out how you can thrive being married to a command man.

When I married my husband almost 19 years ago, Debi Pearl’s book had not yet been written. But I quickly discovered one thing… I had married someone very different than my father. When I read Created to Be His Helpmeet, a light bulb went off in my head as I quickly realized that the man I had married was 100% Mr. Command Man. Somehow, reading a spot-on description of the man I married was encouraging, knowing I was not alone.

Years ago, when the book first came out, a story was recounted to me by a friend that had attended a ladies meeting centered around this book. The group of ladies was broken up into three groups: those married to Mr. Commands, those married to Mr. Visionaries, and those married to Mr. Steadies. The visionary and steady men groups were rather large and the group of ladies married to the command men was the smallest. My friend was a part of the small group of ladies married to command men, and she said the ladies in the visionary and steady groups were weeping, praying, talking, etc.  The small group of ladies in the command men group were just kind of sitting there looking at each other. Like myself, they all knew what was required of them and what their job entailed and there really was no need for any further discussion.

The adjustment to being married to a command man when your father is a steady is difficult. My parents have a wonderful marriage so I just figured ours would mimic theirs. For instance, my mom always did the finances. I thought that would be my job. In fact, I did not know that any men really took care of that aspect. But in no uncertain terms, my husband told me that this would not be the case. Command men tend to not mince on words when declaring something to be so. For women, this sounds harsh. Emotion is not a part of their personality. This can be a plus or a minus and to be honest, it has become more of a plus as the years go on. Command men are typically not wishy-washy, not easily affected by stress, and would die for their women. My particular command man takes over a lot of the child-rearing and schooling, especially if he senses I am overwhelmed. I imagine some of it is because of the controlling and commanding nature, but this has definitely become more of a plus over the years, as we had seven children in 10 years.

Every husband is different. Do you understand your man? Or are you too busy pining away for something that he's not or wishing he was more like your best friend's husband? Ladies, it's time to stop this way of thinking and start learning how to thrive as the wife to the man we married. Find out how you can thrive being married to a command man.

My opinion is that a marriage in which the husband is a command man is the closest biblical model of what marriage is supposed to be and the most freeing for the wife. But this is only if the husband is a godly man. There is no question in my home about who “wears the pants” in the family and over the years, it has freed me up from responsibility and accountability I am not interested in nor designed to take on. I am way too emotional to make a logical decision on many weighty matters, and I have no problem acknowledging that.  And as the wife of a command man, I am not forced into making those decisions which go against how I was designed. The spiritual tone in our house is mainly set by him… without all of the ups and downs of emotion-driven spirituality. I am immensely grateful for this. I was not designed by God to be the spiritual leader and this is why I feel I can argue that a marriage with a godly command man is the closest thing to the model of a Biblical marriage.

Command men are extremely simple.

Feed them and water them and you can have a marriage made in heaven.

Could this border on manipulation? Maybe, but I believe a more biblical way to word this is that if we simply fulfill our roles as helpmeet, we can be cherished and loved, even by a command man.

Looking for a deeper look into thriving as a wife to a command man? Be sure to check out the book! Be on the lookout for the full review next week!

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Your turn! Are you married to a command man? Has it been a struggle or a blessing? How have you thrived being married to a command man? Let’s chat in the comments below!

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Kayla
    August 23, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    I am married to a command man (steady dad). It has been a struggle for years. Some years are better than others. Having a hard time getting over hurt feelings about harsh things said which is why I am here looking for some encouragement. Thank you!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 25, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      It can be so hard to make that switch. Command men don’t realize how harsh their words can come across. If you haven’t read Debbie Pearl’s book yet I would definitely recommend it! There is so much more wisdom and encouragement inside its pages.

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