From an early start, you can clearly see the biological difference between a boy and a girl. God created us differently. Equal but different. We have different desires and dreams that come naturally.
Most young girls play house, play with baby dolls and want prince charming to come rescue them. Even in our pretend play as a child, relationships take a high priority. Girls have a strong desire to be loved and cherished, protected and secure.
Yet, little boys want to conquer the bad guys, be the biggest, fastest sports player and save the day. They want the glory and respect that comes with being a rescuer and leader. Boys want respect first and foremost.
Woman’s Greatest Desire
A woman responds when her need for love is being fulfilled. We become inspired to serve our husband and give him the respect that he desires when he is attentive to our needs and sacrificially cares for us. In return when a man feels respected by his wife he is inspired to cherish her more. When done in unison it is a never ending cycle.
How does a wife respect her husband? It’s that ugly word that we all hate to hear – submit. Yep. When we are surrendering our will to our husbands will then we are submitting to him. Just the way that God intended. This is an attitude of our hearts and a gift that we give our husband. He, nor God, can force us to submit.
If only men would understand how much a woman longs to be cherished. When there is no sincerity behind a man’s sacrifice we can sense that. But when a man is tender, caring, understanding, affectionate and delighted with his wife, her heart can sense that – not just her head. This is when a woman feels loved. (pg. 23)
Man’s Greatest Desire
Like we mentioned, a man’s greatest desire is for respect. When he knows that his wife isn’t tearing him down outside the home or when he’s not around he feels a double blessing. It allows him to feel respected not only at home by his wife but also of those outside his home.
A man who doesn’t have to endure a critical wife’s disapproval, he will end up cherishing her more and more. He will feel like the king of his home and then treat his wife like a queen.
If any of you took the challenge from last week – discussing your wants and desires in your marriage relationship – then I’m sure you find that your answers line right up with this way of thinking. I know it did for my husband’s and I! He immediately listed respect as number one while I listed companionship and affection.
Have you ever noticed that in the Bible, God’s command to wives is to reverence (respect) her husband and husbands are to love their wives (Galatians 5:25, 33).
God made us to have these specific desires and then He commanded us to fulfill our spouses desires. It’s almost like He knew what He was doing when He created us and His plan for Christian marriages to thrive.
How to Make a Woman’s Dreams Come True
Get rid of the unrealistic expectations that you place on your husband.
It’s that simple.
When you place too high expectations on a man you will always end up disappointed. Unrealistic expectations will kill your marriage so fast! You need to be willing to love as Christ loves and be willing to serve like God serves while not expecting anything in return.
Dreams will kill your marriage when they are not realistic. We need to consistently remind ourselves that we married a sinner. Our spouse is going to let us down. They aren’t always going to fulfill our desires and needs. This is where grace steps in. Give your spouse grace. Undeserved favor. If we are not careful we will become too focused on our own desire to be loved and we will shut off of respect for our man when he isn’t meeting our needs. This is a dangerous path to take. We need to stop long enough to forget about ourselves and to consider the dreams and desires of our spouse (pg. 22).
When your happiness is dependent on your husband fulfilling your dreams you are putting a strain on your marriage. You are demanding more of your man than what God ever intended.
Focus on God’s Dreams for Marriage
When you are seeking a happy marriage just for the sake of a happy marriage your motives are off. And when it doesn’t turn out the way you dreamed it would you then end up with anger and bitterness. You blame God and your spouse for your unhappy marriage.
In contrast, those who work to build a strong marriage relationship because such obedience is right and pleasing to the Lord don’t fall apart or become hostile or sullen when a husband or wife does not fulfill his or her obligations in return. Such a Christian can know God is pleased with his or her desire and efforts to obey no matter what the response of a spouse or outcome. When our purpose is right and our primary purpose is to glorify God and bring honor to Him, we are able to enjoy the peace of God even in the worst marriage scenario. pg.23-24
When our dreams are realistic we will then be willing to do the hard work to achieve them. We will be willing to put in the work and not expect our spouse to serve us.
Couples who enjoy a lifetime marriage of joyful companionship do so in spite of faults and failures and they choose to overlook them. (pg. 27)
Your turn! Do you need to do a “dreams-versus-reality check” in your marriage today? I know I sure did! Tell me about in the comments below!
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