Following Your Husband's Lead/ Helpmeet

Following Your Husband’s Lead in the Ministry 

Welcome back to our following your husband’s lead series! If you’ve missed any of the posts you can check out part one here and part two here. (Links are also at the bottom of today’s post if you want to keep on reading!)

Whether you are a wife of a man in ministry or a wife of man who wants to do more to serve, this post is for you! Find out how you can follow your husband's lead in the ministry!

Last week we discussed how hard it can be to let go of the control at home, when it is our domain, in order to let our man lead the family. We looked at how and why it is so important that he leads the family at home. The next aspect of this idea is how to follow our husband’s lead in the ministry.

Following my husband’s lead in the ministry has definitely not been an easy thing to do. It has been a big learning curve throughout our marriage.

A year after my husband and I got married, he started leading the young adults ministry at our local church. We knew that when we moved back to our local church (we got married while my husband was in his last year of college, four hours away) that soon after we would be taking over this ministry.

What we didn’t plan on was being 30 weeks pregnant when we moved back. Adding a new baby and a new ministry to our marriage was a stressful time but it was about to get even more crazy! I got pregnant with our next baby just 6 months later and had another high risk pregnancy which then lead to a sick newborn. All this was happening within a small time frame, of course.

Tough times, you bet! Looking back it wasn’t any fun and I have no real desire to go back. Back to the newborns, sure! The stress of it all, no thanks!

You see, my hope as a new mama was that I’d have more help from their daddy. But the new daddy had hopes of serving in big dynamic ways in his ministry while working 50 hour work weeks. The two hopes often collided.


Sadly, I can’t say I always followed his lead when it came to ministry. To me, we just weren’t in a season of dynamic serving when I needed hands on help with a needy baby (this lasted 9 months till he was cleared for surgery!) and very active toddler.

After going through this, I learned some things along the way. Something’s I wish I had learned earlier! Life would’ve been much easier, I say!

Perhaps you can relate? Your man is called into the ministry-either full time or heading up a ministry in your church. Maybe he wants to do more to serve the Lord in some way yet you’re holding him back.

Yes, you read that right. You’re holding him back. Maybe you’re having a Jonah moment in your life? Maybe he’s tested the waters and you shoot down every idea he has because life is just too crazy right now, can’t he see that?

Maybe you’re unsure of your own abilities to serve in the way he wants to. Therefore, your own insecurities are holding him back.

Or maybe your husband is a pastor or associate pastor and therefore has a lot of responsibilities in the church that pulls him away from the home more than you’d like. So you’ve become resentful of his ministry and are bitter with him for never being home.

Friends, we all have some area that we can relate to. One time or another. Maybe not always, maybe its once in a blue moon, but we all have one time where we can say, “yes, that’s me at some point in our marriage”.

We aren’t perfect.

We need to recognize that first before we can change our behavior.

church-pews

Following Your Husband’s Lead in the Ministry

Embrace the call.

We have to remember it’s not about us or what we can or can not do. It’s about God. And bringing Him glory while answering His call in our lives.


We are one flesh with our husband, therefore his calling is your calling. Embrace it.  Stop fighting against it.

That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory. 1 Thessalonians‬ ‭2‬:‭12‬

God will equip you with what you need in order to serve Him. He will stretch you and mold you into what He wants you to be. Don’t worry! Rely on the Lord for strength.

Now the God of peace, … Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Hebrews‬ ‭13‬:‭20-21‬

Pray for wisdom.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, James‬ ‭1‬:‭5‬

As mama’s, we have a strong desire for our family to have time together. Parenting is a two person job, we all know this. Your season may be very hectic right now, that’s okay! Work with it.

Your husband may not even recognize how much you feel you need his help at home during a hectic season. Instead of being cross with him, pray for wisdom and talk things out in a way that gets your point across clearly.

Pray for your husband to have wisdom with what he can take on during this busy season.

Maybe you both need to meet in the middle, marriage is a give and take. So set a time to talk.

But first, pray. Then pray together when you talk.

hymnals

Don’t squash his desire!

I’m sure this is the last thing any of us want to happen. If you fight against his ministry, you could very well be putting out his fire to serve God at all.

One day, you’ll look back and wonder what on earth happened to your serving husband as you head to church alone with the children.

Be very careful to look down the road at how your behavior now will impact your family later.

Joyfully serve!

Together as much as possible.

There is never going to be a perfect time to serve. One busy season ushers in the next, I have learned this. You may need to scale back in some seasons but don’t completely stop serving.

There may be a season where your man will do the majority of the serving and that’s okay too. Find a way to help him be successful during that season.

Don’t let bitterness steal your joy.

Set up boundaries.

Have a specific night of the week that is devoted to family time. Completely uninterrupted time. Turn off the phones, the computers, the TV and connect as a family.

Protect this time, don’t let anything or anyone get in the way. Satan wants to see strong families fall apart, don’t let it happen to you!

 

Balancing family life with the ministry is a tight rope in the midst of chaos. But God’s work doesn’t take a season off. Keep that in mind. People have to serve to win the lost. Follow your husband’s lead as he decides how to serve.

God will bless you and your family for it!

 

Miss a post in the series? Catch up here:

Following Your Husband’s Lead

Following Your Husband’s Lead at Home

 

Your turn! Are you a wife of a man in the ministry? How have followed his lead? What advice would you add?

This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.

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10 Comments

  • Reply
    Deb Wolf
    August 21, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    Good advice! I think it’s especially important to schedule family time. Rev worked crazy long hours holding a full-time church outside of his full-time ministry. But dates, time as a family, time with the kids and at their events all went on the calendar. Plans only changed for extreme emergencies. Our grown kids say they recall their dad being at everything and being available.

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 21, 2015 at 11:34 pm

      That is such a great testimony! I have heard the opposite many times from preacher kids. Family time is so crucial!

  • Reply
    Janis
    August 24, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    This is good advice for any marriage. And so hard to do. Lots of prayer needed. I am following you from Playdates.
    Blessings,
    Janis

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 25, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      I agree Janis, we need the Lord’s strength. Thanks for visiting!

  • Reply
    bluecottonmemory
    August 26, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    Your post is also applicable to husband’s who have big leadership responsibilities in the work place – which is also a ministry field in many ways. My husband worked lots of long hours and traveling to assure that other husband’s had the jobs and the finances to lead their families. It takes being strong and full of faith when you are that spouse. We didn’t have any family near us raising 5 sons. Yet, we both developed a strong working team, one that takes a lot of dexterity of my part. I’ve often wondered if people in ministry realize that there are those in the work place who do a lot of God work in a different way but with the same hours.

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 26, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      You make such a good point. It is true that when the husband is working long hours, that it resembles ministry life. Your husband still needs your support through that time! A praying and joyful wife still blesses her husband as he works to provide for the family. So glad you mentioned that!

  • Reply
    Dawn
    August 27, 2015 at 11:20 am

    Ana,

    The simple act of supporting our husbands, of being their cheerleader, of reminding them we think they are amazing and full of potential is one of the most important lessons I have learned. I have made a conscious effort to let him know that in big or little ways through the years, no matter what it is. I have never had a husband who has served in the ministry, but he is a servant and a doer and his love language is acts of service, along with work. 🙂 It took a while to figure that out, but thankfully, the Lord has blessed us with years of practice and lessons. Mostly, when he sees me,he needs to know I am standing behind him… which is what you are reminding us to do… be an encourager so that he can lead well.

    Blessings,
    Dawn

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 28, 2015 at 12:59 pm

      Exactly! It is so crucial to support them, whether its in the ministry, their work schedule or how they serve in the church. We are to help them not hinder them as their helpmeet! Like you, it took me awhile to figure things out but we are getting there! 🙂 Thanks for your great comment!

  • Reply
    Sara | mumturnedmom
    August 28, 2015 at 12:57 am

    Firstly, thanks for stopping by my blog from the Shine Blog Hop!
    This post isn’t something I can relate to directly, but I think that your point about setting boundaries is so important in any family. Connecting and making time to be together is vital for everyone. Balancing life, whether you work, your husband works or you both work, is always going to be difficult, but is something that we all need to do.

    • Anastasia Safee
      Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 28, 2015 at 12:56 pm

      I agree Sara, our men need us standing behind them even at their jobs! I’m sure it makes going to work easier on them knowing we support them.

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