Following Your Husband's Lead/ Helpmeet

Following Your Husband’s Lead At Home

Welcome back to our month long series, following your husband’s lead!

Do you find it hard to follow your husbands lead at home, when its your domain? Most woman do! Find out and why we need to let our husband lead us at home.

Last week we looked more closely at what it means to follow our husbands with a submissive attitude.

Without this foundation we cannot truly follow their lead at home.

Our homes are the center of our family life. We eat, sleep, play, learn and grow in our homes. We train and discipline our children at home. We correct their bad behaviors and train the correct ones we desire them to learn.

We are free to be who are within the security of our own walls.

Wives are given the home as our domain. We plan and cook the meals, we do the shopping, we clean, we decorate the rooms to our own liking, we do the majority of the child rearing while the husband is off at work. We are the queen bee of our hive.

We are the boss while Daddy is away at work. And then if you are a lucky wife, the clock hits 5:00pm and Daddy comes home.

Then the switch happens. Daddy becomes the big boss. Mama is the little boss.

Maybe you’re a wife of a husband who works long shifts all week and you find yourself doing the majority of the parenting. Then Daddy takes over on the weekends or rare days off. You are in control of the household the majority of the time.

After making all the minute decisions all day or all week, we wives are to hand over the reigns to our husbands. Maybe you’re a wife who finds this easy. Or maybe you’re a wife who struggles to graciously let go. Besides we know what’s best, right? We are home the most, so surely we do.

queen-bee

Or maybe not.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭23‬

We need to willingly hand over the reigns. We need to be building up how Daddy is the big boss during the time when he’s at work so that the children learn that Daddy is the head of the home, even while he’s at work.

Why does it matter that we follow our husbands lead at home?

Why should the man get to decide on major parenting decisions, financials, or other matters that determine our home lives? When he’s clearly not home as often.

Too often the concept of submission in marriage causes people to incorrectly assume that the man has authority over the woman (in marriage – not in every case) because he is somehow better or more capable. However, you do not have to stretch your mind very far to think of many exceptions to this faulty logic. While typical male characteristics, may make for better leadership (you be the judge), the reality is that the authority structure in the home has nothing to do with competence, and everything to do with accountability

It is because God will hold the man accountable for decisions in the home that he has to be the one to make them. It would be mightily unfair to give the wife the authority to make decisions, but then make the husband responsible for any consequences. This is a lot like the school teacher punishing the whole class for the actions of one student that nobody could control. 
 
As a wife, think about the weight of responsibility on your husband’s shoulders. Don’t just submit with a smile either! Do everything you can to help him make the right decision, and then submitting will be even easier. 
 
Of course there is some level of maturity needed on both sides to make this work effectively, but start thinking about submission in terms of eternal responsibility and it will help your marriage. 
 
It will help your home run more smoothly when everyone is in their right position, with God at the center. 
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If your husband makes decisions you don’t like or disagree with, you have two options:

1. Fight for what you want.

Therefore, creating an unhappy environment in the home. Where the children don’t feel secure when it becomes a habitual occurrence.
 
Wives, this can be done many ways not just yelling at each other. The cold shoulder and silent treatment are just as harmful to our homes as we fight for what we want. I know we are all guilty of this behavior, ahem. 
 
This behavior is inadvertently teaching your children to disrespect Daddy. Which will then cause them to start disrespecting you down the road.

2. Submit, then bring it to Lord and ask Him to change your husband’s mind on the issue or your heart. 

If you approach your man in a humble, graceful manner – its all about our attitudes! -he will be more open to listening to your appeal on his decision. It’s important to do this when the children aren’t around and you two can discuss things privately. 
 
If he still stands firm in his decision, leave it in God’s hand to change one of you. 
 
A peaceful home is much more desirable for everyone than one filled with contention. Let’s set the tone in our home by our submission to our husband. 
 
 
Your turn! Do you find the 5pm shift easy or is it challenge for you? 
 
 

This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.

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37 Comments

  • Reply
    Karen Del Tatto
    August 14, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    Thank you for sharing this! You opened my eyes to insights I never thought of in the way you articulated, especially when you stated,
    “It is because God will hold the man accountable for decisions in the home that he has to be the one to make them. It would be mightily unfair to give the wife the authority to make decisions, but then make the husband responsible for any consequences. This is a lot like the school teacher punishing the whole class for the actions of one student that nobody could control.”

    I need to be more diligent in praying that my husband will take the lead in the home, and to create opportunities, in gentle humility, for him to do just that.

    🙂

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 15, 2015 at 1:13 am

      Karen, I’m so glad this post was a blessing to you. I agree, that humility is so important when we want to usurp their authority! Bringing the issue to the Lord is wise, I’ll pray for you too! Have a great night!

  • Reply
    Rachel
    August 14, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    What an excellent post! I am excited to read the rest of the series. Do you have any tips/tricks for helping a husband become more confident as a leader at home?
    I am new to your blog, I am happy to have found it through the Blessing Counters Link Up! 🙂

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 15, 2015 at 1:10 am

      Thanks for stopping by, Rachel! I would try encouraging your husband by building him up any chance he takes the lead, tell him how great you think he handled a situation, tell him that you love when he makes decisions for the family and how it makes things easier for you. If you usually take the lead I would take a step back and defer to his decision, saying something like, “Honey, I don’t know what to do with this situation, can you help me?” this will subtly let him know that you desire his leadership. It starts in the small areas to give him the confidence boost that he needs. And pray for God to give him the desire to lead! I hope that helps! I’ll say a prayer for you tonight!

  • Reply
    Beth
    August 17, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Great thoughts, Anastasia. It really does come down to two ways to go and one–“fighting”–is clearly going in the wrong direction by creating trouble and division in a marriage. Thanks so much!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 18, 2015 at 1:06 am

      I agree! A peaceful home is so much better! Sign me up! 🙂

  • Reply
    Lisa notes
    August 17, 2015 at 4:12 pm

    Fighting is definitely not the way to go about solving problems, regardless of the relationship. I’m so thankful that the Lord blessed me with a husband who has been a wonderful partner through the years. We’ve each tried to love the other in the ways they needed, not necessarily in the ways that came naturally to us. 🙂 Love wins.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 18, 2015 at 1:00 am

      I agree! Marriage is learning experience in how to love your spouse! Thanks for stopping by today, I appreciate it!

  • Reply
    Kristin
    August 18, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    I found this post on the Time Warp Wife link-up and I’m so glad I read it! Submitting to my husband is something I’ve really been working on ant trying to figure out lately. I appreciated the insight you gave in this post!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 19, 2015 at 10:34 pm

      Kristin, I’m so glad you found me today! The first step is trying to make the right change, just keep trying and it’ll be easier over time. Change doesn’t happen over night. God bless!

  • Reply
    Mary Dolan Flaherty
    August 19, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    Great thoughts, Ana. My husband is introverted and lacks initiative. I’m the complete opposite, so while I tend to initiate, I often have to step back and give him choices–almost like giving a child two or three choices to make them feel like they’ve made a decision. The problem comes when he chooses the option I don’t like! Because then, I have to go along with it. I have an independent nature and spent several years as a single mom (this is my 2nd marriage; his 1st), so that adds to the equation. It’s often a challenge, and can be quite amusing for us this submission thing. We typically make decisions together, as we’re older empty-nesters and don’t have all of those parenting decisions—butt when we come to a standstill and can’t decide, he’d prefer to have me decide and I try to hand the reins over to him. As I said, often a challenge for both of us.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 19, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      It definitely sounds like a challenge! I love that your heart is in the right spot and try to give him the control first. I have been in situations like you described with giving my husband a few options and he picks the one I most dislike, lol! 🙂

  • Reply
    Susan B Mead
    August 19, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    Lovely I read somewhere that submit broken down to the words of origin means “under” for sub “mission” for not

    Under the same mission WORKS!

  • Reply
    Kristin Funston
    August 19, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Loved this! So true! I never really thought about that before. Thank you for sharing. Hopping over from Coffee & Conversation Linkup.

    “It is because God will hold the man accountable for decisions in the home that he has to be the one to make them.”

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 19, 2015 at 10:28 pm

      It definitely puts things into perspective, Kristin. So glad you hopped over today! 🙂

  • Reply
    Susan Shipe
    August 19, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    When we stand before the Lord at Judgment Seat of Christ, we stand alone. Not as a wife, a husband, but as an individual. We will account for one person, only one, ourselves. Visiting from #raralinkup (113)

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 19, 2015 at 10:26 pm

      Such a sobering thought, Susan! It should make us think twice about how we handle ourselves. Thanks for stopping by today!

  • Reply
    Aimee Imbeau
    August 19, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    Excellent post, Ana. As I was reading, I was mentally adding my own thoughts to your post and a few sentences later, you’d say the exact same thing I was thinking!! There is a lot of unbiblical teachings on submission in the Christian circle, so I truly appreciate it when a young wife understands the biblical foundations of Godly submission! I am sharing on my blog round-up #11 – posting soon, I hope;)

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 19, 2015 at 10:25 pm

      Thank you for the encouragement Aimee! I’ll be on the look out for your post!

  • Reply
    Laura Hicks
    August 19, 2015 at 6:30 pm

    Great post! I struggled with this for many years (and still do many days) as I was sure it was always best to just be in control. Thanks for the reminder. #RaRaLinkup

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 19, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      I’m there with you Laura! Thanks for stopping by today!

  • Reply
    Bethany
    August 20, 2015 at 11:53 am

    Such wise words…the point about accountability and helping him to make those best decisions are especially wonderful to me : ) Thanks! Blessings! #Thought-ProvokingThursday

  • Reply
    Melanie Redd
    August 20, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    Hey Ana,

    I was “parked” next to you on Raising Homemakers today, and I’m glad to have the chance to read your post.

    What wise words!

    Your post makes me think of an old African American pastor I once heard. He said that submission is, “Where you duck and let God sock your husband!”

    I love the protection of staying under the umbrella of submission. Been doing this for 25 years of marriage, and wouldn’t have it any other way!

    Hope you have a great day today~
    Melanie

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 21, 2015 at 11:29 pm

      I so love that analogy! All too often we get in the way of God’s work! Thanks for hopping over today!

  • Reply
    Lauren Gaskill | Making Life Sweet
    August 20, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    Thank you for this post! As a very strong and independent woman, I have to remind myself of this on a weekly basis. My flesh wants to dominate my husband sometimes, but through our marriage I have learned to be supportive and submissive instead. What a lot of women don’t realize is that putting up a fight can be so fruitless and selfish … It’s freeing to submit and give dilemmas up to God!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 21, 2015 at 11:30 pm

      I completely agree, all too often we have to learn this lesson the hard way if we are more strong willed and independent. It is fruitless! Thanks for stopping by, Lauren!

  • Reply
    Marissa
    August 20, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Ana, these are great points. It can be a hard shift, but taking the time to set up a routine, and the rules just with my husband, helped us with a fairly seamless trade off of “boss” roles with the kids.

    I’ll have to check out the rest of your series!

    I’d love for you to join my weekly link up, we share posts that tells what has been on our hearts, minds and bookshelves. You’d be a perfect addition! If you’re interested, I’ll leave a direct link below. It’s open now through Sunday evening, and reopens every Thursday morning. I really hope to see you there.

    Marissa

    The Cozy Reading Spot on Reading List

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 21, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      I’ll go check it out! Thanks for the invite!

      I do agree that routine with the kids helps the transition. I’ll often tell my boys that I need to ask Daddy first (if its a big thing), so they understand he’s the big boss even when he isn’t home. 🙂

  • Reply
    Bill Safee
    August 21, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Ana you are a blessing to Mom and me. When we recently babysat the grandkids we were so blessed by their good attitudes, their love for us and their obedience to the rules even when you guys weren’t home!
    Jackson was the “shoes off” police and Zackary immediately reduced his speaking volume to a whisper when his siblings took their nap!
    You are a good mother and a blessing to Dan and all of us!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 21, 2015 at 11:36 pm

      Thank you for the encouragement, Dad! Its all by God’s grace! I’m so glad they were good for you guys, they are still telling me stories from when you guys watched them. I love the shoe police 😉 that’s my boy!

  • Reply
    ~ linda
    August 22, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    Anastasia, this is so well said and what so many women need to read and understand. When I became a Christian, I was newly married to a beautiful Christian man. I had been divorced for 13 years and had no idea what submission meant in the Biblical sense. I only knew that my first husband made me submit out of fear. So I went through a number of Bible studies to understand “submission” but when I understood it as you have written, I welcomes submission in my life. I have a special marriage of 22+ years now and so grateful. You have blessed me and, from the comments above, many others as well.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda
    ps…I followed you from Cozy Reading Spot where I linked up my book review blog but also have a Christian on @ http:beingwoven.org

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      August 24, 2015 at 2:15 pm

      Linda, what a blessing it is to have a wonderful, godly man who makes submitting to him joyful and not fearful! I’m so happy you have one now! Thanks for visiting today!

  • Reply
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    August 24, 2015 at 1:02 pm

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  • Reply
    Erica
    September 25, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    I have greatly enjoyed this article. Reading your blog enlightens me to so many things that I have implemented in my home and how important they are. I love fresh reminders.

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