Our first date. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had so much anticipation built up inside me waiting for this day. The man of my dreams had finally asked me out. I couldn’t be happier.
He was my high school crush. The boy I couldn’t stop thinking about. When he decided to go away to college for 6 long years for pharmacy while in his senior year of high school I was shocked. My friends all thought that there was no way I would wait that long for him. If he ever noticed me of course. But I knew, I knew he was the man I was going to marry. And I confidently said yes, of course, I would wait for him. He’s amazing! And cute!
Fast forward to his fifth year of college, we hadn’t talked in years. We had a thing my first year of school but it quickly ended before it went anywhere, people were afraid that we would move too quickly with too much school ahead of us. Then one night after a late shift, I came home to a nonchalant email from him asking if I was still single. Can I just tell you that in that moment my heart skipped a beat and then sped up faster than a moving car. A million times yes, I was single and waiting for him to notice!
It was still a few more months until our first date. He lived 4 hours away at school. So we wrote emails and talked on the phone for 4 months. Then the day arrived. I was so nervous and giddy. I was finally going out with this boy I’ve had my heart set on for 9 years.
The butterflies, the excitement, the laughter and the way we looked into each other’s eyes was amazing.
Was there anything better than that feeling? Of being head over heels in love on a date?
After 8 years of marriage, I can still say that date nights still spark all of that passion.
That is why as a married couple you shouldn’t stop dating your spouse.
We need that passion ignited as we go through the ups and downs of life.
We need to connect.
We need to hold hands, steal kisses, whisper sweet nothings without little ones in the middle of it all.
Life is messy, kids are hard work, financial struggles can create fights, there are so many bad habits that can break down your marriage. No one wakes up one day and decides they’re going to walk away from it all. Leave the wife, leave the kids and go to Fiji. Marriages don’t end that way.
Marriages end when you stop dating. Marriages end when you slowly give up on each other. When you let that spark die. When you let the kids become the center focus of your lives. When you stop putting Christ at the center of your marriage.
Most people give up slowly, over time. The wife feels ignored, unappreciated, taken for granted. Her husband stops telling her she’s beautiful and showing her appreciation. Or the husband feels disrespected, unappreciated, and not desired. Both partners have needs in a marriage. When you start focusing more on your own needs being fulfilled you stop doing your part in fulfilling your partner’s needs. And so begins the downward spiral of a marriage ending in divorce.
What is the surefire to fight against all of these things? Dating. Dating your spouse. Date nights keep that spark alive. It ignites the passion. It’s time away from being mom and dad, worker, house cleaner. It’s time set apart to get dressed up and pour life into your marriage. You don’t even need to leave the house if your budget doesn’t allow but I strongly encourage as many out of the house dates as you can get in. There is something magical about them. Even if it’s running to Lowe’s with no kids in tow! Holding hands while walking through a store can be romantic and fun if you let it.
If you want to end your marriage in divorce, stop dating your spouse. Stop spoiling him. Stop flirting. Stop hugging. Stop kissing. Stop the intimacy. Stop appreciating and desiring them. Stopping date night is a tragedy in a marriage. When you fell in love with your husband, you didn’t plan on ending it in a bitter divorce. But what you did plan on was never losing that love. Go back to that first date, remember how sweet and amazing it was and work your way towards those feelings again. You don’t have to have a bland marriage, a contentious marriage. You can have a godly, fun, romantic and sweet marriage. Put in the work and go on regular dates!