Sometimes it seems as if serving comes naturally to females. While my boys were little helpers as toddlers, as they grew it seems to disappear. They had to be prompted to do things for others. Yet for my daughter, she has continued to be a helper past her toddlerhood. And what sets her apart is that it comes naturally to her. Nearly all of the time I don’t need to prompt her to serve. Many times she is doing it independently and even volunteering for a job. One of the primary roles of a woman is to serve others. We aren’t called or equipped to be leaders like men are.
Whether it’s cleaning the dishes, making meals, going to get something for someone else we are gifted with the ability to serve others selflessly.
But when it comes to our marriage relationship women somehow lose sight that serving their husband is a gift but also our job. Many women get tired of the work they put into their marriage and home management when they aren’t getting much appreciation. While your husband should value and appreciate all of the work you do for him and your family, your reasons for serving him aren’t dependent upon the praise you get in return.
Does that step on your toes? Then you should examine your heart and your marriage. Jesus is our example and He was a humble servant. He didn’t seek the praise of men. He did things others wouldn’t think of doing, like healing the lepers, dining with sinners and washing the feet of his disciples. How then can you claim that you are too good to clean the toilets? Or fold your husband’s socks? Or pick up his dirty clothes? All because he barely seems to notice and quite honestly he may rarely notice.
God created women to be a helpmeet. We were specifically created to help and serve our men. Lifting him up, honoring him, respecting him, and yes cooking and cleaning for him is all apart of that job title.
Are you serving your husband?
Do you do household chores with a good attitude? Are you looking for special ways to be a blessing to him? Maybe it’s a cold drink while he works in the yard, maybe it’s his favorite dessert after a long day at work, maybe it’s a short thank you note in his lunch, maybe it’s packing him a healthy lunch instead of making him fend for himself at the lunch hour. Maybe it’s cooking him dinners or meats that you don’t particularly enjoy but you know he loves. There are so many ways you can serve your husband.
Maybe you’re at a standstill? Demanding appreciation before you do another thing for your husband. Maybe you are withholding your love and attention to your husband to make him, ahem manipulating him, into some appreciation for your hard work. Girl, you are just making matters worse. You’re making your marriage worse. You’re making yourself unhappy and all of those inside your home miserable.
You can’t change your husband. You can’t force him into helping you, appreciating you or loving you. Most men push back hard against that type of manipulation, so if that’s your tactic your encouraging him to do all the things you don’t’ want him to do. You can only change yourself. Your attitude. Your outlook. Your heart. It’s time to stop focusing on what he isn’t doing and start serving him with joy, gratitude (how many women would love a hard working man that came home every night??) and putting his needs above your own. You’ll be amazed at the change it will bring into your home life.
Will he start picking up his dirty clothes? Probably not. But will he be happier to come home to a kind wife? You bet! Will he want to love and kiss you for all of your hard work and a tasty dinner? Yes, yes and yes. Will he lighten your workload in the home? Again, probably not. But you aren’t serving him for what you get out of it. You are serving him to be a godly wife who is pleasing her Lord above men.
A good way to put this all into perspective is to ask yourself, “what if my husband went home to be the Lord today? What would I regret?” I imagine that if something unexpected did happen today you would wish for one more day to pick up his dirty socks, one more time to put the toilet seat down and one more day to serve him. Let that thought remind you of the gift that you have right in front of you.
So ask yourself, are you serving your husband? Or making him act like a grown man while treating him like a child? Are you destroying your marriage? Pick an area today that you can intentionally start serving your husband with joy.