My five-year-old was born with this intense drive to be helpful. We have told him many times that his gift from the Lord is helpfulness. He actually gets upset if his brother gets too many jobs because he wants to do the helping. “I want a job” he declares. He volunteers right away and usually does any task asked of him without complaint. He especially loves to help his little sister out. All she has to do is to sweetly call his name and he drops whatever it is he is doing and comes to her aid.
I absolutely love this character trait of his! I do believe that it is his spiritual gift. But it also comes so naturally to him. It simply fits his personality.
Most girls are wired the same way, we love to help. We come to the aid of our children, friends, family and church whenever needed. That is why most women are bogged down with having a hard time saying no to people. Books like The Best Yes and Breaking Busy are written specifically for women who can not say no to helping everyone in their lives. We can wear ourselves right out helping everyone.
While being a help to others is an important thing to do, we must be sure that we are always being the helper to our husband’s that we created to be. We were not created to help everyone but we were created to be our husband’s helper.
One of the greatest ministries God gives to a wife is the ministry of helping and encouraging her husband. pg. 68
We need to be careful not to let the pleas of the church, family, friends in need or our even children take center stage in our lives. We need to be purposeful with making sure that we are putting being a helper to our husband above everything else – under our relationship with the Lord, of course. This is our greatest ministry. Our greatest impact.
When we are the helper that we were created to be, we will become our husband’s best friend, his alley, his confidant.
The best indication of a healthy, happy marriage is how well a husband and wife communicate and how well they support one another with genuine friendship. pg. 69
Just because a man needs a helper does not mean that he inferior nor does it mean that the woman is inferior because she is his help. God created us to be equal as we discussed in lesson four when we dissected the art of submission. Men are able to get more accomplished and are more successful when they have help. They become our companions in life. Our best friends. This friendship grows out of the strong unity within marriage.
God designed marriage in such a way that our spouse is to be our very best friend. pg. 74
How do we cultivate this friendship?
5 Ways to Be Your Husband’s Friend
1. Be a Help
Don’t be so busy and rushed to let your duty of being your husband’s helper slip through the cracks. Find ways to be a help. Ask him what you could to be a help. If he asks you to help him with something, make it a top priority to get it done. Show him that is important to you.
How is your attitude towards your man? When was the last time you smiled at him? Or when you thanked God for him? Take time to today encourage him. Tell him what you’re thankful for, remind him of what you love about him. Tell him you confidence in his leadership skills. When you were dating, he was drawn to you because of the way you made him feel about himself. You adored him and hung on his every word and would do anything to please him. Don’t loose that passion in the midst of our mundane moments.
Does your behavior, your walk with the Lord, attitudes or discipline inspire your husband to grow himself? Are you encouraging him to better himself in a new skill or a current passion of his? Inspire him.
We can’t be a good friend to anyone if we do not respect them. It is that simple. Men crave respect more than anything else so let’s make sure that we are showing respect. He will naturally want to be your best friend when he gets this respect.
5. Get Interested in His Hobbies
We shouldn’t always be trying to dodge our husband’s request to get involved in his hobbies. He naturally wants his best friend to experience the things that he finds exciting. Even if they are not up your alley don’t be against trying something at least once. If your husband is a sports fanatic don’t fight against it. This only causes strife and destroys the relationship. Get involved! Make yourself interested on purpose. It may not sound fun at first but you may just change your mind later. I know my sister in law found this to be true when she decided to let her new husband teach her all about football. She now gets excited to watch the games with him and she can get involved in football conversations. This is so good for your marriage! It brings you and your husband closer together as you share common interests.
Maybe even after you have tried something once you still find that it isn’t your cup of tea. That’s okay, he will love you for trying it once. You created the memory. But now you have the opportunity to still let your husband engage in his hobby without your nagging and hating it. Support him in it and encourage him to pursue it even if it isn’t for you.
These are all areas that we need to work on continually. Marriage is a journey. When you fail just get back up and try again. I know that I need to keep trying at many of these! Thankfully most husband’s are full of grace and support us as we grow to be a better helper and friend to them. I am thankful that mine sure is!
If we were to ask your husband if you were his best friend, what would he say?
Your turn! How can you be a better friend and helper to your husband this week? Let’s talk in the comments!
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