Happily Married Book Club/ Helpmeet

5 Ways to Be Your Husband’s Friend {Happily Married – Lesson 6}

If someone were to ask your husband if you were his best friend, how would he respond? Do you find it hard to be his friend? Here you'll find 5 practical ways to become your husband's friend!




My five-year-old was born with this intense drive to be helpful. We have told him many times that his gift from the Lord is helpfulness. He actually gets upset if his brother gets too many jobs because he wants to do the helping. “I want a job” he declares. He volunteers right away and usually does any task asked of him without complaint. He especially loves to help his little sister out. All she has to do is to  sweetly call his name and he drops whatever it is he is doing and comes to her aid.

I absolutely love this character trait of his! I do believe that it is his spiritual gift. But it also comes so naturally to him. It simply fits his personality.

Most girls are wired the same way, we love to help. We come to the aid of our children, friends, family and church whenever needed. That is why most women are bogged down with having a hard time saying no to people. Books like The Best Yes and Breaking Busy are written specifically for women who can not say no to helping everyone in their lives. We can wear ourselves right out helping everyone.

While being a help to others is an important thing to do, we must be sure that we are always being the helper to our husband’s that we created to be. We were not created to help everyone but we were created to be our husband’s helper.

One of the greatest ministries God gives to a wife is the ministry of helping and encouraging her husband. pg. 68

We need to be careful not to let the pleas of the church, family, friends in need or our even children take center stage in our lives. We need to be purposeful with making sure that we  are putting being a helper to our husband above everything else – under our relationship with the Lord, of course. This is our greatest ministry. Our greatest impact.

When we are the helper that we were created to be, we will become our husband’s best friend, his alley, his confidant.

The best indication of a healthy, happy marriage is how well a husband and wife communicate and how well they support one another with genuine friendship. pg. 69

Just because a man needs a helper does not mean that he inferior nor does it mean that the woman is inferior because she is his help. God created us to be equal as we discussed in lesson four when we dissected the art of submission. Men are able to get more accomplished and are more successful when they have help. They become our companions in life. Our best friends. This friendship grows out of the strong unity within marriage

God designed marriage in such a way that our spouse is to be our very best friend. pg. 74

How do we cultivate this friendship?

5 Ways to Be Your Husband’s Friend

If someone were to ask your husband if you were his best friend, how would he respond? Do you find it hard to be his friend? Here you'll find 5 practical ways to become your husband's friend!



1. Be a Help

Don’t be so busy and rushed to let your duty of being your husband’s helper slip through the cracks. Find ways to be a help. Ask him what you could to be a help. If he asks you to help him with something, make it a top priority to get it done. Show him that is important to you.

2. Encourage

How is your attitude towards your man? When was the last time you smiled at him? Or when you thanked God for him? Take time to today encourage him. Tell him what you’re thankful for, remind him of what you love about him. Tell him you confidence in his leadership skills. When you were dating, he was drawn to you because of the way  you made him feel about himself. You adored him and hung on his every word and would do anything to please him. Don’t loose that passion in the midst of our mundane moments.

3. Inspire

Does your behavior, your walk with the Lord, attitudes or discipline inspire your husband to grow himself? Are you encouraging him to better himself in a new skill or a current passion of his? Inspire him. 

4. Respect

We can’t be a good friend to anyone if we do not respect them. It is that simple. Men crave respect more than anything else so let’s make sure that we are showing respect. He will naturally want to be your best friend when he gets this respect.

5. Get Interested in His Hobbies

We shouldn’t always be trying to dodge our husband’s request to get involved in his hobbies. He naturally wants his best friend to experience the things that he finds exciting. Even if they are not up your alley don’t be against trying something at least once. If your husband is a sports fanatic don’t fight against it. This only causes strife and destroys the relationship. Get involved! Make yourself interested on purpose. It may not sound fun at first but you may just change your mind later. I know my sister in law found this to be true when she decided to let her new husband teach her all about football. She now gets excited to watch the games with him and she can get involved in football conversations. This is so good for your marriage! It brings you and your husband closer together as you share common interests.

Maybe even after you have tried something once you still find that it isn’t your cup of tea. That’s okay, he will love you for trying it once. You created the memory. But now you have the opportunity to still let your husband engage in his hobby without your nagging and hating it. Support him in it and encourage him to pursue it even if it isn’t for you.

 

These are all areas that we need to work on continually. Marriage is a journey. When you fail just get back up and try again. I know that I need to keep trying at many of these! Thankfully most husband’s are full of grace and support us as we grow to be a better helper and friend to them. I am thankful that mine sure is!

If we were to ask your husband if you were his best friend, what would he say?

 

Your turn! How can you be a better friend and helper to your husband this week? Let’s talk in the comments!

This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.

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27 Comments

  • Reply
    Betsy de Cruz
    February 26, 2016 at 10:12 am

    So glad to see you at Grace and Truth today! This is excellent encouragement for wives. I especially like the point about remember to offer help to our husbands. Sometimes keeping a house and caring for the children make us forget that! But we don’t want anything but our marriage taking center stage in our lives. Pinning this today!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 26, 2016 at 9:01 pm

      I am with ya, housekeeping, homeschooling and taking care of the kids always try to steal center stage. We have to make time for our man!

  • Reply
    Sarah Kasch
    February 26, 2016 at 5:49 pm

    Perfect timing. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Leslie Verner
    February 27, 2016 at 9:25 am

    “If we were to ask your husband if you were his best friend, what would he say?” Wow, so convicting! Thank you for these reminders. It really is so easy to go along with life and forget to be intentionally about my most important relationship. Thank you for this today!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 29, 2016 at 9:44 pm

      We need to remember to put our man first above our other earthly relationships. We tend to lose sight of that during the crazy seasons!

  • Reply
    Bree
    February 27, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    These are great tips! I agree that our husbands need to come second only to God, and we have to be careful about giving all of our help to others rather than our husbands. Thank you for these words of wisdom!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 29, 2016 at 9:45 pm

      Others and kids, which you will soon learn! I have found it to be more difficult once the kids came along. We are just now getting back into the habit of regular date nights and our oldest is 5.5!

  • Reply
    Stephanie
    February 29, 2016 at 10:01 am

    My Hubby’s love language is words of affirmation. Encouraging him has always been the way to his heart. Thanks for these tips!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 29, 2016 at 9:46 pm

      I think affirmation is in my husband’s top 3! Thanks for visiting!

  • Reply
    Alisa
    February 29, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    Sounds like your little man has a gift of serving! You are right that as women, we can get so consumed with things around us that we neglect some of our most important duties. Thanks for this reminder to stay focused on what’s most important. When the kids are gone, we will still be married! Linking up with you at Soul Survival.

  • Reply
    Renee
    March 1, 2016 at 9:49 am

    Great tips and I fully agree with them all. Unfortunately, I do struggle with a few of these. Just have to keep working at them! 🙂

  • Reply
    Aimee Imbeau
    March 1, 2016 at 11:39 pm

    Our encouragement is needed so much more than we know! Us wives have the power to tear down our hubbies or build them up. We have to wield this power with much wisdom and grace. Plus, there are many perks to building up my guy;) Thank for linking up to Grace and Truth!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      March 3, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      I agree, a happier marriage sounds much better than a contentious one!

  • Reply
    Dolly @ Young Homemakers
    March 2, 2016 at 11:11 am

    I know that I need to practice these things so much more than I have been in the past few months! Thank you for reminding me that I need to make being my husband’s friend my number one priority!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      March 3, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      Having a close relationship with our husband spills over into all other areas of our home. I’m so glad you see the need to make him your top priority!

  • Reply
    Heather Marie
    March 2, 2016 at 11:22 am

    This is such a great post! My husband and I are friends first before anything else. And that friendship has created a strong and stable marriage. I especially loved your comment about trying out your husband’s hobby. My husband was into video games when we were first dating and at first I really resisted and told him I wasn’t interested. One day I caved and he taught me how to play one of his favorite games. We had a blast (even though I was terrible) and the fun we had prompted me to learn how to play better so we could do it together. Now it is one of our favorite things to do together! On the flip side, he also loves to play golf and after a very frustrating time at the driving range I told him that maybe this was a hobby better spent with some other friends. Even though that hobby wasn’t my cup of tea, it meant a lot to him that I at least gave it my best effort.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      March 3, 2016 at 3:41 pm

      How funny your stories are so similar to mine. I tried golfing with my husband once and I could not have a good attitude about it. It frustrated me so much!! Now if I go, I drive the cart and watch, ha! I also let him teach me a game that is on our phones and now the whole family loves this game and playing it together – but at first, I resisted. Now I’m a semi-cool wife (and Mom!) who plays this “guy” game. I have a friend from church who plays video games a lot with husband and it’s one of their favorite things to do. It is so much better for our marriage if we are best friends! Plus it’s more fun!

  • Reply
    Kim
    March 3, 2016 at 6:34 am

    This was good for me to read. I have a husband who definitely WANTS me to be his bff…unlike a lot of husbands who work overtime, play golf, go on hunting trips, etc. my husband wants us to be joined at the hip all the time. As an introvert who needs some alone time, this is difficult for me. At times I tune out or become dismissive, so I need reminders of how much it means to him for me to be his friend.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      March 3, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      Finding that balance between the two can be a challenge if you are an introvert. Making sure you take the time for you own sanity is important. My husband is like that, he needs his quiet while I would love to talk and interact all day. But making sure we make that effort to be his best friend is so important. I bet quality time is his love language!

  • Reply
    Karen
    March 3, 2016 at 12:17 pm

    I describe this as “pulling on the same rope” together. I often tell him that I don’t care what we do… yard work, painting a room, watching the game, running errands…. as long as we do it together. I think nothing builds more camaraderie and connectedness as achieving a goal together. Standing back and looking at a completed job (or just progress on a job) makes us feel like a team! thanks for the blog and great reminder!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      March 3, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      I love that phrase. I so agree. Just being together builds friendship. If he has to go to Lowes, I’m all about hopping in the car and going too!

  • Reply
    Maria
    March 3, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    These are some sound advice, Anna. I especially like the part when you emphasize encouragement to husbands. We tend to get busy with our work or at home that we often forget we need encouragement to each other. And your words are a great reminder of how important that is in a marriage. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us on #SHINEbloghop today. Happy to you’re able to join us again this week 🙂

  • Reply
    Bre Rock
    March 3, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    Thank you for the reminder! Hubby and I are still trying to find balance after welcoming our first child 4 months ago. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the day to day and forget to pursue one another. I really appreciate this today!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      March 3, 2016 at 9:06 pm

      The new baby season is the hardest time to find the time (and energy!)! Just remember that it is a season and that the little steps you continue to make during that season will make it easier to get back into the swing of things once the kids get older. Now that our youngest is 2.5 we are finding it so much easier to go out and do things or stay up late to connect. I’m glad you stopped by today!

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