We all know how vital trust is in any relationship. Our children need to know they can trust us. Our friendships are built on trust. We even put trust in our pastoral staff. But the most important earthly relationship that is built on trust is our marriage relationship.
Without it, our marriage will deteriorate and eventually fail. Trust can be abused. But the beautiful thing is that trust can be restored. With hard work and yielding oneself to the work of the Lord, you can rebuild the trust in your relationship. Without being filling surrendered to the Lord and His work in your life, you will fail. We need Him and His strength to do so.
In chapter four of our Happily Married book study, we are focusing on trust and what that means for marriage.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11
5 Reasons Trust Matters in Your Marriage
Trust Builds Intimacy
The wonderful thing about marriage is the ability to be yourself and to know that your spouse loves you for being yourself. When our spouse accepts our imperfections and truly loves us there is a special intimacy that builds between the two.
A happy marriage is one where we can trust our spouse not criticize our imperfections. When this trust is absent there is no emotional intimacy growing between the two (pg.49).
Trust Builds the Right Atmosphere for Change
Following point one, trust or distrust has the power to stifle or encourage intimacy and marital growth. Love is willing to overlook a multitude of sins, right? (1 Peter 4:8) With that in mind when there is trust in the marriage you believe the best in each other. If one of you needs to change or work on a behavior then you need to be able to trust that your spouse will allow that change to happen before you actually make it happen.
No husband or wife will be willing to share their innermost thoughts and struggles with their spouse if they do not trust them to not criticize or support them. Likewise, they will not be able to ask for forgiveness if they fear belittlement of any kind.
Trust is crucial for this atmosphere for change to happen. We need to be edifying and encouraging each other not breaking down the walls of trust in our marriage. The cycle of love and respect that we talked about in chapter one often breaks down when this trust is lacking.
Here is a challenge: read 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, and replace the word charity with your name and see if that passage describes you. Convicting, eh? Yep, I know.
Trust Builds Security
When there is a breakdown of trust in a marriage, the hurt spouse often becomes emotionally detached and cold. Especially over time. When those feelings take root, they grow over time, slowly breaking down the marriage. The marriage will eventually fall apart.
To prevent this deterioration of the marriage, it is so important that we repair any damage that has been done by mistrust. Trust is vital for having security in our marriages. We have to learn to communicate clearly with each other in order to move past the hurt, we have to freely forgive and ask God for the strength to continue to choose forgiveness when Satan reminds of our hurt.
Don’t let mistrust eat away at your marriage. Instead, rest in the security of a happy marriage where trust abounds and brings security. Stop focusing on the negative of your spouse or whatever situation there is and focus on the positive and change your marriage! You have the power to do so!
Trust Builds Joy
What do you think it means when it says a wise woman builds her house? Take a look:
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1
Most women aren’t out there in the dirt and getting their knees wet physically building their houses. Perhaps you are a handy wife and take a hands-on role in the repairs of your home, that’s great!, but I don’t think that this verse is telling us that we need to be building our physical houses. But instead that we are responsible for building the atmosphere in our homes. We have the power to build up those in our home or tearing them down. We have a powerful role as a wife! We will either be knitting the relationships in our house together tor breaking them apart.
How do you build up the people of your home? You edify them. Encouragement goes a long way! Edification builds an atmosphere of trust and trust builds our relationships and marriages (pg. 51).
Let’s start creating an atmosphere of joy in our homes!
Trust Builds Strength
Can we just be real for a second? How many of us are guilty of attacking our spouse in the heat of an argument instead of attacking the issue at hand? *insert hand raising emoji here*
You know what that does? It tears down your trust and tears down your home like we talked about above. Neither path that we go out trying to accomplish right? Sometimes it seems easier in the heat of the moment but in the long run, it breaks down the trust in your marriage.
The next time you argue, because we are being real we can admit that yes there will be a next time, your spouse will have a harder time trusting you in not attacking them again. There will be a barrier between the two of you next time and they won’t be willing to be open with you to protect themselves from getting hurt.
We need to make a decision ahead of time that we are going to attack the problem and not the person. Satan gets a foothold in our marriages when we are fighting against each other not fighting the problems. He wins when we go this route.
A marriage will weather any storm that comes if there is a solid foundation of mutual trust. (pg. 51)
Let’s be intentional at cultivating this strong relationship of trust in our marriage. Be intentional about choosing love, forgiveness, overlooking faults and work on building each other up.
God is clear that He is the only person that we can completely trust without any reservations. God is holy and perfect and the only One who is never going to let us down.
It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8
We need to keep this in mind when we are putting our trust in others. We need to remember that they are human and not perfect and WILL let us down. Our hearts are prone to wander and due to that we are all going to fail people. We should not be trusting in our own hearts or that of others.
Trust is always limited trust at best. pg. 48
Even the most trustworthy person in your life is going to fail you and need forgiveness. Let’s not lose sight of this very important fact.
Need help building trust in your marriage? Check out this post by Danielle!
Your turn! Do you struggle with trust? Or is trust not an issue for you? Which one of these 5 areas do you struggle with the most?
This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.