Happily Married Book Club/ Helpmeet

5 Reasons Trust Matters In Your Marriage {Happily Married – Lesson 4}

Do you struggle to trust in your marriage? Trust is the foundation that keeps our marriages strong. Here are 5 reasons why trust matters in your marriage and why it is so important.




We all know how vital trust is in any relationship. Our children need to know they can trust us. Our friendships are built on trust. We even put trust in our pastoral staff. But the most important earthly relationship that is built on trust is our marriage relationship.

Without it, our marriage will deteriorate and eventually fail.  Trust can be abused. But the beautiful thing is that trust can be restored. With hard work and yielding oneself to the work of the Lord, you can rebuild the trust in  your relationship. Without being filling surrendered to the Lord and His work in your life, you will fail. We need Him and His strength to do so.       

In chapter four of our Happily Married book study, we are focusing on trust and what that means for marriage. 

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11  

5 Reasons Trust Matters in Your Marriage

Trust Builds Intimacy

The wonderful thing about marriage is the ability to be yourself and to know that your spouse loves you for being yourself. When our spouse accepts our imperfections and truly loves us there is a special intimacy that builds between the  two. 

A happy marriage is one where we can trust our spouse not criticize our imperfections. When this trust is absent there is no emotional intimacy growing between the two (pg.49). 

Trust Builds the Right Atmosphere for Change

Following point one, trust or distrust has the power to stifle or encourage intimacy and marital growth. Love is willing to overlook a multitude of sins, right? (1 Peter 4:8) With that in mind when there is trust in the marriage you believe the best in each other. If one of  you needs to change or work on a behavior then you need to be able to trust that your spouse will allow that change to happen before you actually make it happen. 

No husband or wife will be willing to share their innermost thoughts and struggles with their spouse if they do not trust them to not criticize or support them. Likewise, they will not be able to ask for forgiveness if they fear belittlement of any kind. 

Trust is crucial for this atmosphere for change to happen. We need to be edifying and encouraging each other not breaking down the walls of trust in our marriage. The cycle of love and respect that we talked about in chapter one often breaks down when this trust is lacking.

Here is a challenge: read 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, and replace the word charity with your name and see if that passage describes you. Convicting, eh? Yep, I know.

Trust Builds Security

When there is a breakdown of trust in a marriage, the hurt spouse often becomes emotionally detached and cold. Especially over time. When those feelings take root, they grow over time, slowly breaking down the marriage. The marriage will eventually fall apart.

To prevent this deterioration of the marriage, it is so important that we repair any damage that has been done by mistrust. Trust is vital for having security in our marriages. We have to learn to communicate clearly with each other in order to move past the hurt, we have to freely forgive and ask God for the strength to continue to choose forgiveness when Satan reminds of our hurt.

Don’t let mistrust eat away at your marriage. Instead, rest in the security of a happy marriage where trust abounds and brings security. Stop focusing on the negative of your spouse or whatever situation there is and focus on the positive and change your marriage! You have the power to do so!

Do you struggle to trust in your marriage? Trust is the foundation that keeps our marriages strong. Here are 5 reasons why trust matters in your marriage and why it is so important.



Trust Builds Joy

What do you think it means when it says a wise woman builds her house? Take a look:

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1  

Most women aren’t out there in the dirt and getting their knees wet physically building their houses. Perhaps you are a handy wife and take a hands-on role in the repairs of your home, that’s great!, but I don’t think that this verse is telling us that we need to be building our physical houses. But instead that we are responsible for building the atmosphere in our homes. We have the power to build up those in our home or tearing them down. We have a powerful role as a wife! We will either be knitting the relationships in our house together tor breaking them apart. 

How do you build up the people of your home? You edify them. Encouragement goes a long way! Edification builds an atmosphere of trust and trust builds our relationships and marriages (pg. 51).

 Let’s start creating an atmosphere of joy in our homes!

Trust Builds Strength       

Can we just be real for a second? How many of us are guilty of attacking our spouse in the heat of an argument instead of attacking the issue at hand? *insert hand raising emoji here*

You know what that does? It tears down your trust and tears down your home like we talked about above. Neither path that we go out trying to accomplish right? Sometimes it seems easier in the heat of the moment but in the long run, it breaks down the trust in your marriage.

The next time you argue, because we are being real we can admit that yes there will be a next time, your spouse will have a harder time trusting you in not attacking them again. There will be a barrier between the two of you next time and they won’t be willing to be open with you to protect themselves from getting hurt.

We need to make a decision ahead of time that we are going to attack the problem and not the person. Satan gets a foothold in our marriages when we are fighting against each other not fighting the problems. He wins when we go this route.

A marriage will weather any storm that comes if there is a solid foundation of mutual trust. (pg. 51) 

Let’s be intentional at cultivating this strong relationship of trust in our marriage. Be intentional about choosing love, forgiveness, overlooking faults and work on building each other up.

Last Reminder

God is clear that He is the only person that we can completely trust without any reservations. God is holy and perfect and the only One who is never going to let us down.

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8  

We need to keep this in mind when we are putting our trust in others. We need to remember that they are human and not perfect and WILL let us down. Our hearts are prone to wander and due to that we are all going to fail people. We should not be trusting in our own hearts or that of others.

Trust is always limited trust at best. pg. 48

Even the most trustworthy person in your life is going to fail you and need forgiveness. Let’s not lose sight of this very important fact.

 

Need help building trust in your marriage? Check out this post by Danielle!

 

Your turn! Do you struggle with trust? Or is trust not an issue for you? Which one of these 5 areas do you struggle with the most?

This post may be linked up with any of these blogs.



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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Dianne Thornton
    February 12, 2016 at 10:12 am

    I think my favorite is “Trust builds the right atmosphere for change.” The longer you are married, the more opportunities we have for growth … especially when we’ve messed up. But when trust is there–so is love and forgiveness. Blessings on your weekend!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 15, 2016 at 10:32 am

      “The longer you are married, the more opportunities we have for growth” This is so good! I so agree. Trus is so healthy for our marriage!

  • Reply
    Alisa @ Flourishing Today
    February 17, 2016 at 3:44 pm

    I love this..”We have the power to build up those in our home or tearing them down. We have a powerful role as a wife!” For years I had no idea the power that I carried to influence the atmosphere in my house. I was miserable and so was everyone else. I love how the Lord has so graciously changed my heart and taught me how to cultivate a peaceful, thankful atmosphere for my husband and kids. This really is so important! Thanks for sharing- linking up at #TellHisStory

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 18, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      I love hearing how the Lord has been working in your heart to change your home. I have found that to be true as well, Alisa.

  • Reply
    Pam
    February 17, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    Very well said, Anastasia! You are so right about the significance of trust in a marriage (or any relationship). Once it is broken, healing is possible but takes a very long time. Visiting today as your neighbor on Messy Marriage Linkup.

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      February 18, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      I agree, so we should be doing everything we can to keep the trust strong in our marriage. We can’t undo the damage later!

  • Reply
    site
    June 16, 2016 at 8:47 am

    You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation however I find this matter to be actually something which I think I would by no means understand.

    It sort of feels too complicated and very large for me. I’m taking a look forward in your subsequent submit, I will attempt to get the hang
    of it!

    • Reply
      Anastasia Safee
      June 19, 2016 at 2:37 pm

      I agree, trust can be hard to grasp if you struggle with it or have been hurt in the past by anyone you’ve had a relationship with. I know that to be true in my own life. I just commit to keep trying and to keep bringing it to the Lord when I struggle.

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